Thinking Of You This Christmas
by KeroZombie
Summary: It's December! Kotaro gets the girls to put up a Christmas tree. Loosely connected bittersweet shorts exploring the thoughts/feelings of the Franchouchou house as they put the tree up during this festive and romantic time of year. Contains lots of shipping, fluff and angst in equal measure, with plenty of humour thrown in too.
1. Tatsumi Kotaro

_A series of drabbles focusing on one event: the decoration of a Christmas tree. BUT! It's told from the perspective of each of the characters! Each drabble is a new perspective. Expect much shipping!_

This story contains SPOILERS for ep 12! Be warned!

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Zombieland Saga or any of its characters.**

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Chapter 1: Tatsumi Kotaro

It's finally December. This old house we use as a hideout stands right on the ocean front, and the winds are especially harsh this time of year. To keep spirits up, this morning I decorated the halls with tinsel and little plastic Santas that light up and sing, and a plastic squirrel as well. The squirrel neither lights up _n_ _or_ sings but I saw it in a thrift store the other day and thought heck, why not? I also had the girls put up a Christmas tree, both for team-building and also because a part of me just wanted to sit back and watch. I wanted to see the smiles on their faces, particularly _hers_.

Sakura, this was always your dream, wasn't it? To be an idol... to be loved and adored... to finally succeed at something. She never knew how much I loved her in high school. People tend to think I'm confident. I suppose I am, when I'm acting. But being loud and being _honest_ are very different things. I'm good at being loud, but I'm not at all good at being honest.

They let Sakura put the angel atop the tree. It's a beautiful angel, covered in glitter, with a light in its hands. One of the wings is a bit damaged and the paint is flaking away, but it's still pretty. Sakura beamed as Lily plugged the angel in after it was atop the tree and the light in its hands lit up. Her smile is as beautiful as it ever was. As happiness surged in my chest, I could feel myself trying to stop it reaching my face. All these years and still I can't be honest with myself.

No, this Christmas I will be honest. I owe it to myself. But most of all, I owe it to her.

Wish me luck Santa, I'll need it.


	2. Mizuno Ai

**Disclaimer: I don't own Zombieland Saga or any of its characters.**

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Chapter 2: Mizuno Ai

My family was the only one on our street that celebrated Christmas. Christmas in Japan was still mostly a couples thing during my lifetime, but my dad really, really loved Christmas. We even had a synthetic Christmas tree that he went and bought back when he visited America as an exchange student. Every year we'd wrap our presents and put them under the tree, and on the eve we'd each open just one of them. On the day itself we'd each take turns opening presents, enjoying the reactions our gifts got. Sometimes it took hours cos we'd do them one by one, but that was the fun of it. Afterwards we'd go eat a chicken dinner at KFC – they always had a special menu on this time of year. We did the same thing every Christmas, but I never got tired of it. Even when I started getting busy with my idol work I'd make time in December to come home and be with my family.

Today Kotaro is making us put up a tree. I'm sure there's some ulterior motive to his request, but he is, as ever, completely unreadable. He's just standing there watching us. I have to admit I appreciate him decorating the house though. I don't know what I'd do if I had to watch December go by as if it was just any other month. It's hard enough trying to ignore the fact that my family has to be out there somewhere, missing me this Christmas...

Junko's hand brushes mine as I begin to snake golden tinsel around the tree's branches. She gives me a shy smile. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't even notice she hadn't finished putting the lights on the tree.

"Sorry..." I say.

She shakes her head, " _I'm_ sorry for taking so long."

I start taking the tinsel back off of the tree.

"No, Mizuno-san! You keep going. I'll stay out of your way."

"But you can't finish the lights if I wrap the tree in tinsel now."

From behind me I hear Saki jeer, "Jeez you two, get a room already!"

I feel heat rush to my cheeks. I keep my mouth shut and just remove the tinsel from the tree. Soon Junko has finished the lights. When we're done with this it'll be the others that get to put the ornaments on. Tae seems particularly keen on doing the decorating, but then she also seems keen to _eat_ the ornaments.

Starting from the top I coil the tinsel around the tree. Junko picks up some red tinsel and joins in. The red and gold run down parallel to one another, sparkling in the glow of the multicolour tree lights. It's near-perfect, but...

"Maybe just one more..." I say.

"It needs more red!" Saki calls out.

"No, pink!" says Lily.

"Maybe a cooler colour would be good," Sakura suggests.

"RED!"

"PINK!"

I look back. Kotaro is staring forlornly into the distance, or at least I think he is; it's impossible to tell with those glasses. Saki and Lily are rolling around wrestling on the floor, and Yugiri is just calmly having a smoke, as always.

"Mizuno-san..."

I look back at Junko.

"...how about white?"

"Do we have a white one?"

Junko reaches into the box of tinsel and sure enough, there's a long strand of white hidden amongst the rainbow assortment of colours.

"You can do this one if you want," I say.

"I don't mind if you do it, Mizuno-san."

"It's fine..."

She smiles, "I insist."

I take one end of the tinsel from her hands, "How about we do it together?"

Saki cries out, "I'D PAY TO SEE THAT!"

Now _Junko's_ blushing. I ignore Saki and help Junko to wrap the white tinsel around the tree. In no time, it's all done and ready for decorating. It's not as big or as flashy as some of the trees I used to see standing in the department stores in Tokyo, but it's ours. It's our little tree. It's so pretty, and it's not even fully decorated yet. I suppose you could call it our family tree. We sort of are a family, in a weird way.

"Mizuno-san...?"

Lost in my thoughts again. I need to pull myself together.

"Sorry, I just got-"

"Why are you crying?"

Was I crying? I hadn't even noticed. Is it because I'm a zombie that I couldn't feel my own tears?

Warm arms wrap around me from behind.

"Guaahhrghh..."

"Thank you Tae."

Lily joins in and glomps me from the front. Then Sakura, and Saki. Even Yugiri takes the time to put out her cigarette and come over. Now I can feel myself crying. I didn't wanna be alone over Christmas. I can't even imagine it, being without them. My family. They've had to spend Christmas without me for so long.

"You'll never have to be alone for Christmas while we're around, you idiot," Saki says, her voice muffled by my hair.

Did I just say all that out **loud**!?

"Your family wouldn't want you crying on Christmas, right?" she continues, "No sense in you getting miserable."

"You're right," I reply, "Thanks, all of you. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"What kinda leader would I be if I didn't look after my team?"

Lily chimes in, "We're all here to cheer you up!"

"You'd do the same for us," adds Sakura.

I feel someone softly take my hand. Surrounded by all the members of Franchouchou, I can't tell who it is, but in my heart I know.

 _Mom, Dad,_ I think, this time not out loud, _wherever you are, I want you to know that I'm okay. I have friends who care about me, and I'm doing what I loved doing while I was alive. And although I can't tell you in person, or give you any presents, or Christmas cards, I want you to know this: I love you, and I hope you have a very merry Christmas._

 _Also, I hope that 7-eleven still does those Christmas cakes they used to do, cos I could really go for one of those right about now._


	3. Yugiri

_A/N: Sorry this update was so so slow! I got pretty badly ill over xmas and new year and I've still been recovering. Thankfully I feel much better now, so updates should be a bit faster. This chapter took a while because I had to do a lot of research about pre-war Japan (cos it's something I knew very little about). I intend to get this fic completely finished by the end of the month though, so wish me luck!_

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Zombieland Saga or any of its characters.**

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Chapter 3: Yugiri

I have to say, I am enjoying this Christmas experience more than I thought I would. My last experience of December ended with me being beheaded, so I don't have fond memories of this time of year. But that was so long ago, and I've seen so many new and wonderful things since I was brought back to life. For instance, this is the first time I've ever seen a Christmas tree. Apparently it's not an actual tree, but a model of a tree made to look like the real thing.

I was actually the first Franchouchou member to see the tree, although I didn't realise it at the time. You see I was the only one awake when Kotaro-han, covered in snow and out of breath, dragged a damp and dented man-sized box through the front door early in the morning. I've grown so accustomed to his strange comings and goings that I didn't think anything of it. I wondered for a moment if perhaps he'd acquired another corpse to turn into a member of our group. I was mulling over how I felt about such a plan when he barged into the bedroom and woke the rest of the girls up to announce, with his usual frantic, screaming demeanour, that he wanted Franchouchou to have an 'official celebration' of Christmas together. The details of how we were to celebrate Christmas were left up to us to decide. The only stipulation was that we had to put up 'the tree' as a team. At first I was confused, as I couldn't recall seeing him bring in a tree of any kind. However, no one else seemed surprised at the mention of the tree, so I thought it best to just wait and see what happened.

Well we all sat down to discuss Christmas, and in no time at all Saki-han had decided that she would construct the tree, Ai-han and Junko-han would do the 'tinsel and lights', and Lily-han, Tae-han and Sakura-han would do the decorating (presumably of 'the tree'). At first I wondered why Saki-han didn't assign any tasks to me; after all I'd done plenty of flower arranging during my time in the Shimabara district of Kyoto, although admittedly I had never decorated an entire tree before. But then I was made aware that the tree wasn't like a traditional bonsai tree, nor was it a towering maple, and that decorating it didn't involve flowers at all. I asked her if it was made of wood, and she said no. I asked her if it was painted, and she wasn't sure. I simply couldn't visualise it. Of course now that I can see it in front of me I understand completely.

In the end Saki-han decided I should join her as a 'supervisor'. When I was still learning how to be an Oiran I had many 'supervisors'. I learned everything from flower arranging, to dancing and music, and of course I learned the secrets of the trade, so to speak. I didn't experience much of that side of things (unlike the other women in Shimabara), though I had to learn how to satisfy clients in my own way.

Speaking of satisfied clients, another unusual Christmas tradition I learned about today was Santa Claus. Lily-han recounted the legend to me with great energy while Saki-han built the tree.

"-and he comes down the chimney!"

"What if a house doesn't have a chimney?"

"Then he comes in through your back door... I think?"

Suddenly Saki-han burst out laughing.

"Did he come in _your_ back door, Shrimpy?"

"Ugh, Saki! That's _not_ what I meant!"

I thought about it for a moment, then,

"Oh, you mean-"

"No Yugiri-chan! Don't say it!"

"SAY IT YUGIRI! COME ON!"

At that moment the tree fell on to Saki-han's foot.

"FUCK!"

The legends people of today believe in are so different to those of Edo, but the idea of receiving presents for Christmas isn't so foreign to me. In fact I once received a present from a customer on Christmas Day itself. The customer in question, named Suminokura Heizo, was an old samurai who was a regular around Shimabara. I played the shamisen and danced for him sometimes, but we usually spent most of his visits just talking.

He had a colourful past. Although he'd retired from military duty by the time I met him, in his youth he was a solider for the Imperial Court. He fought for Emperor Meiji in the Japanese Revolution, but almost switched sides to join the Satsuma Rebellion when the Emperor made it illegal for samurai to carry their swords around town. He was very attached to the old ways. I used to make fun of him for still referring to Tokyo by its old name, Edo, but he insisted that Kyoto would always be the true capital of Japan, and that renaming Edo to 'Tokyo' was just pretentious.

I had a lot of visitors in my working life, but he was different. Our relationship went beyond that of just courtesan and client. We were so close that he allowed me to call him by his given name, Heizo, without any honorifics attached. I half expected him to ask to marry me - several other courtesans had received proposals over the years and moved on from Shimabara, but in the end he never did. He was a free spirit, as was I, which is why we got along so well.

But I digress.

When he visited me on Christmas day it was a night like any other. We were chatting in the teahouse as usual, enjoying the warmth of a kotatsu together. At that time, Christmas was almost unheard of. A few people had learned of it from Western visitors and celebrated it as a novelty, and the Christian missionaries celebrated it, but most people didn't even know it existed. I was one of those people. Heizo, however, had actually attended a Christmas party during his time as a samurai. He told me that the party was held at a naval base in Nagasaki, where American troops trained alongside Japanese recruits and samurai veterans. There was a huge tree, paper chains along the walls, Christmas cake, and of course, copious amounts of alcohol.

Heizo was no stranger to making merry over a few cups of sake, but he told me he was completely unprepared for the energy the Americans brought to the celebration. Within an hour soldiers were dancing on the tables in their underwear. Heizo didn't hold back on the drinking either, so soon enough he was joining the others in cavorting around the room. He locked arms with a marine, did a waltz across the mess hall and promptly tripped over a stray boot. His dance patner hit the floor. Heizo, however, went flying. He rolled to break his fall and and went straight into the tree. Naturally, the tree didn't stand a chance against a heavy-set samurai, and it fell to the ground, knocking all the decorations everywhere.

As he was telling me this story around the kotatsu, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a red bauble.

"It's the only decoration that survived," he said, placing it in my hands. "You could say it's one of a kind."

He looked at me with such warmth as he spoke those words. He'd always been dear to me, but it was in that moment that I truly fell in love.

"It's beautiful, Heizo," is all I could say in reply. A satisfactory response perhaps, but only half of what I meant. He must've known how much he meant to me, but my lips didn't have the courage to say what my heart felt. So many things were left unsaid after I died. If I could go back to the days when Emperor Meiji ruled...

In front of me, Ai-han and Junko-han stand side by side and admire their work. Lights in every colour glow from within the tree, and twinkle off the tinsel sitting on the branches. As they smile at each other, even their faces take on a rainbow tint. They seem to think their feelings for each other are completely secret, but I know better than that. I know a lover's gaze when I see one. The others do too, but no one says anything. A love that pure should be left undisturbed.

"My turn, my turn!" Lily-han cries, rushing over to the box of Christmas decorations. It's full of all sorts of beautiful, sparkling trinkets. As she tips them all out onto the floor, I spot a bauble. A bright, red, perfect bauble. No sooner does it catch my eye than Tae-han is rushing over to it hungrily. She picks it up, sniffs it, opens her mouth and-

"Tae-han, wait!"

She pauses. Everyone looks at me, confused.

"I'd like to put that one on the tree..."

Tae-han groans in approval and hands me the decoration. I glance over at Lily-han and I can tell by the look in her eyes that somehow, she understands.

"You go first, Yugiri-chan."

I thank her with a bow, then I kneel down in front of the tree. The bauble's string hooks nicely over one of the lower branches. An orb of red amongst a sea of green. I remember Heizo's words, _you could say it's one of a kind_ , and smile to myself.

Suddenly Lily-han is leaning over me,

"These two will be perfect together," she says, placing a golden star next to the bauble.

"You have a good eye, Lily-han," I reply, "the bauble would've looked lonely by itself."

"You've gotta fill the whole tree with decorations! You can't have just one!"

Beaming from ear to ear, she quickly gets to work covering every inch of the tree in the decorations that Tae hasn't already eaten. Some Santa Clauses and a few snowmen didn't make it, but all in all most of the decorations survived. Perhaps that's a metaphor for my life, too. But as much as I have lost things to the sands of time, I have gained so much more in the friends I have now. Like our tree, my life is full to the brim with wonderful new experiences. I suppose in a strange way, I have Kotaro-han to thank for that.

"All right, ladies!" he yells from the other side of the room, "Good tree! But now it is time for the angel. Sakura...!"

She startles as he barks her name, "Yes?"

"I shall fetch the angel for you..." he replies, striding off into the hallway.

There was something strange in his voice just then. Moments later and from down the hall comes the sound of clattering and banging. Soon enough Kotaro-han is back with the angel. It's cracked in a few places, and looks quite old, but it's undeniably beautiful.

"I'm relying on you, Sakura," he says, handing the angel to Sakura-han.

"I'll do my best."

As she takes the angel from him I suddenly understand what it is that I heard in his voice. I should've guessed from the start. Everyone is watching Sakura-han put the angel on top of the tree, but I just watch his face. Yes, even without seeing his eyes I can tell he's in love. How long have you been keeping these feelings secret, Kotaro-han?

I decide then and there that I need to talk to him. I need to know whether my instincts are correct, and most importantly, if they _are_ correct, I need to make sure Kotaro-han doesn't make the same mistake I did.

The only question is: how?

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 _A/N: next chapter is probably gonna be Saki's perspective! Does she know something the other's don't? FIND OUT NEXT TIME  
_


	4. Nikaido Saki (Part 1)

_A/N: Wow this chapter turned out to be much bigger than I thought it would! It took so long cos it just kept on going! It's only part 1 because yes, there's even More of Saki's segment and you'll see why as it goes along._

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Zombieland Saga or any of its characters.**

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Chapter 4: Nikaido Saki (Part 1)

This is probably the first time I've actually had a 'family' Christmas tree. The closest I came to a Christmas celebration in my lifetime was going to karaoke with Reiko in '96. Normally you'd bring your boyfriend, but I was lesbian, she was single, and she was also straight, so you know, all in all not exactly your typical 'Christmas Magic' experience. That said, I did also single-handedly beat the shit out of an armed gang in Drive-in Tori that same December, so it's not all bad.

I actually knew the tree was coming. I helped Shades get the damn thing, though he swore me to secrecy. Now I'm sure it's no surprise to anyone that I don't take anything that idiot says too seriously, but I could tell he wasn't messing around. He practically begged me not to tell anyone, especially Sakura. He actually said that, 'especially not Sakura'. It's not like I do blackmail on the regular, but I did demand a favour in return. That favour was a meal at Drive-in Tori, and I intend to collect on that as soon as all this Christmas stuff is over with.

Okay, let's rewind for a sec. Picture it: I'm there, just chilling in the lounge with Shrimpy, though Shrimpy was asleep by that point, when in comes Shades, and I knew something was up cos he calls out to me,

"Saki-chaaaan!"

-like some fucking schoolgirl. Now I ain't hating on schoolgirls but prancing around like a lunatic is Kotaro's calling card when he wants you to do something for him.

"You can drop the -chan, Shades."

"I need to speak to you... alone..."

"You better not be trying anything funny."

"This isn't for Lily's ears."

"She's asleep."

"She could be pretending!"

"I swear to _god_ , Shades, if you don't stop talking shit-"

"It's a secret! For your ears only! Honestly Saki you'd make a TERRIBLE spy."

"If it's so secret why are you YELLING!? You moron!"

He pouted, " _You_ started it."

"Huh!? You wanna die!?"

"Please, Saki! Won't you help out a friend in need?"

"Friend in need? What the hell could you possibly need from me?"

"I told you: it's a secret."

I scratched my head, "Ugh, all right all right, god damn it, let's go talk somewhere else."

We went to his office. It was normally pretty neat, but that night it was full of all kinds of Christmas crap. His floor was carpeted in wrapping paper and printouts of Christmas scenes and Santa Clauses, and his desk was piled high with books about Christmas, not just fiction books, but science books and even books in foreign languages like English and German. He even had a full Santa suit hanging on the wall.

He motioned to nowhere in particular.

"Take a seat."

"Where's the chair?"

"So Saki, I think it's time Franchouchou celebrated Christmas."

"Okay, but-"

"We'll need a tree."

"I need a seat."

He tutted, then from under his desk he pulled out a snowman-themed bean bag.

"Wow, I haven't seen one of these in a while."

"I don't want anyone to know about the tree."

I sat down, "Except me, apparently."

"It's a two-man job. One of us has to drive."

"Uh, wait, aren't we taking your van?"

"We need speed, Saki, _speed_ to get this tree here on time."

"Dude, Christmas is ages away."

"We have to leave tonight. I know a guy, a black-market tree dealer."

"You're kidding."

He opened a drawer on his desk and pulled out a reindeer-themed chocolate bar. He bit the head off and started crunching it between his teeth.

"Hghff mgmh ghl-"

"Don't even bother, man, I can't understand a word you're saying."

He swallowed the chocolate and gave me one of those grins that's meant to be cute but isn't, "Sorry, they're just so more-ish."

He put the decapitated reindeer down on top of an image of Santa lying half naked on a sunny beach, "Let me spell it out for you. We go, on your new bike-"

"New bike!?"

"New bike, then-"

"What kinda bike?"

"-we go to the dealer, get the tree. Take it back on the bike-"

"Woah woah hang on a second there, you can't fit a whole tree on a goddamn _bike_!"

"We take it back on the bike, hide it here, _quietly_ , so no one notices, then-"

"Quietly? A _tree_?"

"WOULD YOU LET ME FINISH, YOU STUPID ZOMBIE!?"

"Call me stupid again, idiot! See how many teeth you have left!"

"WE HIDE IT QUIETLY SO NO ONE NOTICES, THEN YOU CAN HELP ME FIND A PRESENT FOR SAKURA!"

"...uh, what?"

"We'll be taking the van for that part."

"We could take the van for the whole thing."

"I told you, we need _speed_ , _SPEED._ "

"We aren't gonna be getting any SPEED with a fucking tree on the bike, moron! Just take the van!"

"I have my reasons for not using the van. It has to be the bike. This is why I need you, specifically."

"You know what, I've had enough of this. I'm out. I'm all down for celebrating Christmas with the girls or whatever but I ain't driving a tree-"

"Fine! I guess I'll just throw the bike away then!"

"What!? Would you just slow down already! There's no reason to throw away a perfectly good bike!"

"If we're not using it, I don't need it."

"Fine, look, I'll _consider_ helping you, just don't ditch the bike."

"That settles it! Let's-"

"But first I need you to tell me what kinda bike it is."

"...it's a good one."

He smirked at me from across the desk like a kid who knows a dirty secret.

"I need to know the specifics."

"It's a Honda."

"Okay, that's a start."

"An old Honda."

"There's a good and a bad kind of old. Can't you just-"

"The details don't matter! Come on, the night is young and it's time to GO GO GO!"

With that he leapt over the desk, barged past me, kicked his office door open and ran down the hall. At that moment, knowing what I did, which let's face it, was jack shit, I should've just gone back to the lounge and had a nap, or gone to the bedroom and gone to sleep with everyone else. Any reasonable person would've thought, 'No way in hell am I joining that madman on his insane escapade'. But no, for some reason my goddamn curiosity got the better of me. So despite knowing that the bike he got was probably gonna be total wreck, I decided to say fuck it, and go help him get his tree.

When I got outside he was already sitting on the bike. He had what looked like a stunt rider helmet on. For some reason he was still wearing his sunglasses.

"You can take those off, you know?"

"Would you take off your panties?"

"...excuse me?"

"These sunglasses are like panties for my face. I'd be naked without them."

I fought the urge to run up and smack him in the mouth. He was lucky that I was more interested in the bike than in him. I wasn't expecting what I saw, though. The closer I got to the bike, the more obvious it became. The idiot hadn't bought just any old Honda. Somehow, he'd bought _my_ Honda, or something close to it.

"Is this... a CB750?"

"I have no idea."

"No, I recognise it..."

I more than recognised it. From the engine to the leather on the seat, in every way it looked exactly like my old bike. My old bike before I modded it up, that is. Sure, it needed a bit of polish, but everything was there, and in great condition, too.

"How did you get this, Kotaro?"

"Santa Claus."

I ignored his nonsense reply and sat down in front of him on the bike. The key was already in the ignition. I started it up and it kicked into life with a satisfying growl.

"Man this really takes me back."

"We need to head West, into the mountains."

"Just give me a minute."

I closed my eyes and listened to the engine. I was back in '96, tearing up the highways of Saga prefecture with my crew. Sometimes I used to ride so fast that even the big freight trucks were nothing but a blur as I zoomed past them. I could almost smell the petrol fumes.

"Saki, time is running out."

"No it isn't! Keep your panties on."

"I told you, I never take them oOOO-"

Without warning him I twisted the trottle right round and rocketed out of the parking lot and onto the road, soaring down the tarmac alongside the ocean, into the darkness, towards the forested mountains to meet his 'black-market tree dealer'. His arms were wrapped tight around my waist. He _needed_ to hang on, cos I wasn't slowing down for nothing. I accelerated more and more and more, till the bike was roaring as I pushed it to its limit.

"Hell yeah baby! Now _this_ is SPEED!"

"AAAAAA!"

And so we went into the night. I'd almost forgotten about actually having to fit the tree on the bike. But it's one of those things. You think about it, and you're like, 'How hard can it be?'

Boy did I have a lot to learn...

After a a few wrong turns and a near-miss with a road sign we finally arrived at the hideout of Kotaro's tree dealer. It was on the outskirts of Minatomachi, north of Karatsu city, near Meitokuji shrine and a little farm called Gahaha House. After I conquered Karatsu back in the day I used to drive through the mountains around there from time to time. The other thing we used to do was drive all along the coast. Even now, you can practically go from one end of Saga to the other without ever losing sight of the ocean. It gets real windy when you ride by the sea though. You had to fight just to stay on your bike some days. That was the _life_.

But this isn't the 90s, and right then we were nowhere near the sea. The 'hideout' looked like nothing more than a little shack on the roadside. Kotaro removed his helmet, got off the bike and strode over to the glorified shed like he was some sort of important diplomat. I stayed back and watched. He knocked on the door three times. Then we waited. We waited for a good five minutes at least. It felt like an hour. Shades just stood there staring at the door. It made me miss my Tamagotchi. With a Tamagotchi you never get bored. Best fucking toy ever made, hands down, and you can fight me on that if you think otherwise.

Finally the door opened to reveal the dealer. It was a little old woman.

"Oi Shades," I yelled, "I thought you said this dealer was a dude?"

He bowed to her, "Please forgive the ignorance of my idiot companion. I'm here for the tree."

"Huh!? Who're you calling idiot!?"

She turned and retreated into her hut. Kotaro followed, closing the door behind him.

"OI, KOTARO, DON'T LEAVE ME OUT HERE YOU PRICK!"

I crossed the road and banged on the door, "Kotaro!"

A snowflake fell on my nose. Then another. Green light seeped out from under the front door, broken only by the occasional shadow moving around on the other side.

"I know you can hear me, asshole! Let me in!"

I gave the gnarled wood a good hard kick, "It's starting to snow out here you know! You won't have anyone to drive you back if I freeze!"

From inside, I heard laughter. I couldn't tell if they were laughing at me, or at something else, but either way I was pissed.

I took a step back. Then another. I walked back till I was across the road and more than a few feet into the forest. I rolled my shoulder blades a couple times, stretched my arms, took a deep breath, then I ran full speed at the hut's entrance.

I must've been a couple of inches from the hideout when the door swung wide open. There was no time to react. It was my shoulder versus the little old man standing in the doorway, and my shoulder won. He went flying. I hit the deck and rolled into what felt like a table leg. There was a gasp, then from atop the table there arose such a clatter as jingling bells cascaded down onto the wooden floorboards.

"Fuck, that hurt!"

"Saki!" came Kotaro's voice, "You nearly killed Mr. Kaifu!"

I climbed to my feet. Sure enough, the old man was lying half-buried under a huge Christmas tree. I turned to Shades,

"You shoulda answered the damn door!"

The old lady, who was sitting opposite Kotaro around a little kotatsu, held up a hand.

"Please," she began, "there's no need to fight. I'll go make some more tea for our new guest."

Now that might sound like a totally ordinary thing for an old biddy to say, but I wanna remind you that this shack had only one room, and that room couldn't have been any more than half the size of our bedroom back in Karatsu City. The only things in the room were the kotatsu, the tree, the table I rolled into, and the four of us. There wasn't even a pantry. But sure enough, on the kotatsu were two steaming cups of green tea.

Mrs. Kaifu shuffled past me, seemingly ignoring her husband, and went outside. The snow was really coming down now. The bike's seat was starting to look like one of those frosted cakes they sell at those girly pastry cafes you see in town.

"Shades, let's just get the tree and go, we don't wanna be driving back in a blizzard."

Kotaro took a sip of his tea, "You can't rush these things, Saki. There's a process that has to be followed. You couldn't possibly understand."

Mr. Kaifu groaned from under the tree. I clenched my fists.

" _I'm_ the one driving, idiot, and I can't drive a tree back on a _bike_ if the roads are covered in all that wintery shit. Explain to the old lady that we've gotta go. You've got the money, they've got the tree, let's just do this already."

"Well I'm not actually paying with _money_..."

At that moment Mrs. Kaifu returned with the tea. She placed it gently on the table then sat down on the floor. Kotaro gave her a warm smile, the way he normally does when he's trying to charm someone.

"Mrs. Kaifu-"

"Always so formal Kotaro-kun! I told you, call me Shizue."

"Shizue-san, you really do make the best tea in all of Saga."

"Oh _hush_!"

"No, I mean it."

Kotaro's schmooze routine was truly vomit inducing. Thank god I normally don't have to witness it first hand. I looked back at Mr. Kaifu; he was still firmly underneath the tree.

"Hey, uh, is your husband okay under there?" I asked.

"Oh yes he'll be fine," she replied with a smile.

Maybe Mrs. Kaifu could ignore her husband's zombie-like groaning, but _I_ couldn't. But as annoying as it was, his groaning was still ten times more interesting than whatever crap the other two were talking about. I sat there and endured the nonsense for who knows how long, but there comes a point where your mind just can't take any more. That point came for me when Shizue said,

"I'll just go make us some more tea."

"NO!" I screamed, "No! We have to go, old lady. I've got a good bike waiting outside and I'll be lucky if it's not already completely fucked by the snow."

"Oh," she said, somehow completely unfazed by my yelling, "well in that case I'll get the tree for you right now."

She stepped over her Christmas-addled husband and opened the front door. Just as I thought, the bike was completely covered in snow. I shot Kotaro my best angry glare, but honestly even without seeing his eyes I could tell he was just as relieved as I was to be finally getting on with the tree-buying.

"If you'll just follow me, I'll show you where it is," Mrs. Kaifu said, beckoning us as she stepped into the blizzard.

We walked round the back of the shed. There was a shovel leaning against the wall. She picked it up and started scraping snow off of the ground. Shovelling snow was probably the _least_ strange thing she'd done all evening, so I didn't question it, but after a few seconds it became obvious what she was looking for. There in the earth, now free of snow, was a wooden hatch, presumably leading to a basement. The hatch had a thick metal ring attached to it. She clasped it with both hands and slowly dragged the door till it was just about standing vertically on its hinges, then it she let it fall to the floor with a thud, leaving the basement entrance wide open. I peered inside; it was pitch black. I couldn't tell if it went down five feet or fifty feet.

"There, now we can get your tree. But..." she said, eyeing up Kotaro, "I might need some help getting it up the stairs."

He clapped me on the back, "Good luck, Saki."

"Huh!? You aren't getting out of this one, wiseguy. If I'm going down, you're going with me."

Mrs. Kaifu agreed, "Exactly Kotaro-kun, you can't make the young lady do your work for you! Be a gentleman!"

"Yeah Shades, be a gentleman!"

To be honest I didn't like being treated like some sort of porcelain doll but in this case I was willing to throw my morals out the window and throw Kotaro down the basement into the Hell Zone.

Shades cleared his throat, "Perhaps we should get Mr. Kaifu to-"

"Nonsense! Come on Kotaro-kun, take my hand and I'll lead you down."

The old lady grabbed one of his hands, I grabbed the other, and together we ventured into the abyss. I'll say this: his palms were hella sweaty. I guess he must be afraid of the dark, which is weird for a guy that resurrected a zombie idol group. The situation wasn't helped by how goddamn narrow the passageway was. My elbows knocked against the stone walls more than once.

"Shizue-san," Kotaro asked, "how long _is_ this stairway?"

"Oh I think we're almost there," she replied, and she was right, within seconds we'd arrived in what I can only describe as an underground forest.

"Holy shit..."

A soft grey light seeped through the branches of the trees, which rose up high into the shadowy ceiling. The forest seemed to stretch on forever, and there was even grass on the floor.

"I like to call this my little garden," Mrs. Kaifu explained, "I've been growing it for almost thirty years now. They're all spruces, from Europe."

Kotaro nodded along like it all made perfect sense, "I see, I see."

"I've already cut down yours, it's in the back."

"Wait," I interrupted, "you cut it down yourself?"

"With a little help from a nice gentleman down the road, yes. Anyway, wait here just a moment and I'll fetch the tree for you."

She shuffled off towards the light, leaving me and Shades standing in darkness.

"Oi, Kotaro," I said, "how big is this tree you bought?"

"I wanted something Christmassy."

"Right, but if it's as big as these bad boys," I motioned to the towering spruces that surrounded us, "then there's no way in hell it's fitting in our house."

He remained silent.

"You may _play_ the idiot, Shades, but I know you're smarter than that. Or at least, I hope you are. So spit it out: how big is this tree?"

"I never specified a size."

"You never specified a size...?"

From the grey void came a deep, metallic groan.

"What the hell..."

The groan became a creaking, squeaking, scraping cacophany, getting louder and louder, closer and closer. I looked for the source but my eyes found nothing. Then suddenly out of the nothingness came a huge metal platform on wheels, on top of which rested our tree. It trundled slowly over the indoor grass and past the spruces till it was just a few feet away. Pushing it from behind was Mrs. Kaifu herself.

"No way old lady, how are you moving that thing by yourself?" I asked, unable to believe that someone so small and wrinkly could push something the size a small tank unaided.

"The machine does all the work for me, really. The only trouble is, it doesn't go up stairs."

"Ah yes," Kotaro agreed, "the age-old problem!"

I didn't see how something as batshit crazy as growing spruce trees underground could have any 'age-old' problems but I kept my mouth shut, as I could tell Kotaro was just doing his spiel and I wanted to be out of there as fast as possible.

"Now," the old lady began, "about the payment."

"Yes..." Kotaro replied.

"For a tree this size, you'll owe me..." she started counting on her fingers, "three massages. Your signature ones, the good kind."

"That won't be a problem at all, Mrs. Ka- uh, Shizue-san."

"I don't think anything can beat the last one you gave me, but you'll have to try your best!" she said, giggling.

Shades laughed along with her, "Like I always say, if you're gonna do something, you might as well give it your all, isn't that right Saki?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah he always says that."

Kotaro clapped his hands together dramatically, "Well then, I think we'd better take our tree back home... so, I take it there's an elevator or something nearby?"

"Oh Kotaro-kun, you silly boy," Mrs. Kaifu chuckled, "you should know by now that there's nothing like that here. It's the stairs or nothing I'm afraid. I'll have to take the tree off the carrier first, of course."

"Ah, the stairs, of course, how silly of me..."

I crossed my arms, "The age-old problem, huh?"

The old lady unfastened the straps holding the tree to the platform. She pulled a wooden lever and the machine start to tilt. Slowly the tree rolled down the machine, rustling and crackling as it slid along, till finally it fell to the floor.

"And there we are!" she exclaimed, "That's it, all yours! Have a merry Christmas you two!"

For a moment I thought she gave me a wink, but in the darkness it was hard to tell. We thanked her for tree and dragged it towards the stairs, but that's where the problems began.

"Okay Shades," I said, "You take the top, I'll take the bottom."

"But that means I'll be walking backwards up the stairs."

"What? Why would you be walking backwards? We can just carry it on our shoulders and both face the right direction."

"The branches will scrape on the ceiling. I can't have this tree damaged in any way."

"We just dragged it across the floor."

" _You_ take the top, and I'll direct from the bottom. We'll hold it properly with both hands, and carry it _carefully_ up the stairs to avoid any abrasion problems. Easy."

"Easy my _ass_. How are you gonna see anything with those sunglasses on? You might as well be the one to go backwards."

He lifted up the trunk of the tree, "Okay Saki, now you take other side."

"Oi, don't ignore me, asshole!"

"What are you, Scrooge? Do you wanna be Scrooge, Saki? If you don't take this, you'll kill Christmas."

"I'm gonna kill _you_ if you don't shut up!"

"HO, HO, HO! MEEEERRRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO! WHAT'S THAT LITTLE GIRL? YOU HATE CHRISTMAS AND WANT IT TO DIE?"

"When we get back I'm gonna kick you right in the nuts I swear to god."

With gritted teeth I lifted the top end of the tree and started climbing the stairs backwards. To say it was a tight squeeze would be the understatement of the milennium. The tree completely filled the whole stairway. I couldn't see Kotaro and there's no way he could see me. I just kept taking it steady, one step at a time in the pitch black nothingness. It was going well, considering.

And then I slipped.

I landed so hard that one of my legs fell right off. All the weight I'd been carrying suddenly fell onto Kotaro's shoulders. He didn't stand a chance. The tree shuddered down the tunnel, bumping on every step. I could heard Shades grunting and yelling as it took him down with the ship. Out of the void I heard the old woman's voice echo, "Are you okay Kotaro-kun? Do you and your girlfriend need some help?"

I'll admit it took me a moment. Somehow my ears didn't fully process that she just called me Kotaro's girlfriend. Maybe I was too busy jamming my leg back on. But as they started shoving the tree back up the dark and dingy chimney I was sitting in, it clicked.

"I AM _NOT_ HIS GIRLFRIEND! I'M AS FAR FROM STRAIGHT AS YOU CAN PHYSICALLY GET! YOU KNOW HOW MANY GIRLS I'VE KISSED!? I'M A GODDAMN GOLD STAR LESBIAN, BABY, YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!"

They stopped moving the tree. The only sound was the wind howling outside. I expected a snarky comment from Shades. Instead he said, "She's right, she's extremely gay. In fact most of my idols are gay. It's like how the Romans used to have entire gay armies, except with idols, and they're not all gay."

"Oh really?" Mrs. Kaifu replied, "I'm so behind the times on these things. So does that mean she won't have children?"

I let out a sigh so deep I could feel it reverberate through my butt cheeks. I got up, stomped down the stairs, grabbed the tree, and started dragging it up by myself. It was heavy as all hell, but no way was I gonna wait around to hear where _that_ conversation was going. I slipped many times, but thankfully kept a hold of the tree just enough to finally, _finally_ escape back to the surface.

With the tree safely outside, I fell to my knees in the snow out of sheer exhaustion.

"Never again. I'm never driving Shades anywhere again."

"What was that, Saki-chan?"

I looked up and there he was, staring down at me with that smug expression he likes to wear. I didn't waste any time; I punched him in the nuts, no hesitation. He let out a gargled cry of pain and fell to the floor.

"Now we're even, old man."

"You're almost twice my age," he wheezed.

I stood up offered him a hand, "Do you want me to help you up, or do you wanna keep pissing me off?"

Pouting, he grabbed hold of my arm and I pulled him back to his feet. I almost couldn't find the bike cos it was covered in so much snow, but we managed to clear everything off and stand the tree next to it. The trouble was, the tree was easily twice the bike's size, in every way imaginable.

"Shades, I know I'm good at riding, but this is ridiculous. There's no way we can get this tree back on my bike. Just go get your van."

He scratched his head, "I can't do that. It's impossible."

"What're you talking about? The van was sitting right outside the house when we left."

"It's full at the moment."

"Then take the stuff out!"

"It's just not possible, Saki."

"Agh, you really are a pain in the ass, you know that?"

I kicked the snow in frustration. It wasn't nearly as satisfying as kicking a rock, or a person's head. The snow was falling from the sky so thick and fast that I could barely see Mrs. Kaifu's shack across the road. But it didn't matter how shit things looked; there was no way I was gonna back down. I motioned to the tree,

"So how're we getting this monster on the bike then, Shades?"

"I can hold it."

"What, horizontally?"

"Vertically."

"That'll really mess up the balance of the bike."

"If we tie it to the bike with ropes then one side of the bike will be heavier than the other anyway."

I stared at the Honda CB750. It was a tough cookie, but it wasn't Hercules. Honestly I had no idea how the hell I was gonna pull Kotaro's crazy plan off, but I knew I had to give it my best. I looked up at the sky and let the cold snow cover my face.

"Fuck it. Let's just do this."

I hopped on the bike. Kotaro somehow lifted the tree all by himself. As he sat down the whole Honda tilted into an almost-wheelie. I had to practically lean over the handlebars to keep it grounded. I turned off the kill switch and started it up. The bike sputtered into life.

"Here we go Shades. Get ready."

I yanked the throttle back and off we went into the blizzard.

"Which way next, man?"

"I can't see anything. The snow is covering my glasses, and I can't move my head cos the tree is balancing against it!"

"But which way is the way back!? It all looks different in the snow!"

"You're the driver, work it out!"

So many times I wanted to punch him, but I kept my cool and decided to follow the road signs to the sea front. If you follow the coast you can't go wrong in Saga. But then I remembered the nightmarish gusts.

"Shades, you're really gonna have to hold on for this bit!"

"What!?"

"I said hold on!"

"WHAT!?"

"I SAID HOLD ON YOU IDIOT!"

Suddenly I could see the ocean and the beach and the dark clouds brooding overhead.

And the oncoming traffic.

"WE'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE!" I yelled, narrowly dodging a minivan. I tried to cross over to the correct side of the road but there was a barrier separating the two directions. I had no choice but to go into oncoming traffic the whole way. Most people would crap their pants in that kinda situation, but me? If anything that took all my fear away. Cos when life says to me, 'You don't stand a chance', my reply is always, 'Get fucked, I'm unstoppable'.

I accelerated till we were going as fast as we could. The bike started to tilt back. I leaned forward more and more, practically standing on the bike as I leaned right over it. The tree was smacking into my butt as we swerved past car after car. The storm winds slapped me in the face and tried to topple me but there was no way I was going down.

Looking back, I honestly can't be sure what it was that got caught in the wheels. Maybe it was a pebble, a stray branch. Maybe there was a pothole in the road that I missed. Hell, it could even be that I was just riding _wrong_ , but whatever it was that we hit, boy oh boy did it do a number on the bike.

The first thing that happened was the bike did a one-eighty. Forwards, flinging me straight over the handlebars. Kotaro followed, then the tree. As I hit the ground, the bike flew over me. We were still in the middle of the road at this point. I heard Shades hit the tarmac but I didn't see it. I did have an amazing view though as the bike, in midair, just straight up exploded, right there in the sky.

"Wow..."

The tree zoomed by underneath the explosion and crashed into the road, shattering into pieces. All the cars rushing in our direction began to screech to a halt, but not fast enough. The sound of contorted metal and cracked glass filled the air as cars tore into one another. I pushed myself up off the ground and looked for Kotaro. He was right behind me.

"Hey, you okay Shades?"

He was face-down in the road. His limbs all looked like they were in the right places. He gave me a shaky thumbs up.

"Good," I replied, sighing in relief, "can't go losing one of my crew in a bike accident, eh?"

I put his arm over my shoulder and helped him up. People were starting to look around and see who caused the accident. People were starting to look around and see _us_.

"Saki..." he whispered to me, "I think it's time..."

"...yeah?"

"...to GO GO GO! GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!"

We ran. We jumped over the barrier, ran through the road and kept running. We ran until we couldn't see the sea, till we were far from the forest and road and instead surrounded by little old-fashioned houses and family-run stores with big wooden shutters and hand-painted signs with cat pictures on. We sat down in front of a post office.

"All right," I began, "okay, so we lost the tree. And we lost the bike..."

Kotaro said nothing.

"How much did the tree cost you again?"

"One massage, plus three."

"Well that's not so bad. And the bike? I mean it was pretty old, I assume it used to be yours?"

"It was a rental."

"A _rental_? You rented a bike before you even knew I'd help you?"

"I figured I'd need a bike to get you to agree, and well... I... I suppose I didn't wanna do this on my own. You know, it being Christmas and all, and... uh..."

I put a hand on his shoulder, "Dude, I understand. You know, I know everything went to shit, but it's been fun, mostly. And we'll get the money back for the bike. I mean it's a bitch that we lost such a nice bike, that's the third bike I've wrecked now I think, but it was good while it lasted."

He held his head in his hands, "Where do we get a tree from now?"

I thought about it for a moment, and then I remembered something from back in my Dorami days.

"Believe it or not, I have an idea. But it might involve a lot of walking..."

"To get a tree?"

"To get a tree. Not a real tree, but a real _Christmas_ tree," I held my fist out to him, "Whaddya say, you in?"

He bumped my fist with a smile, "I'm in."

"All right, let's fucking _do_ this!"

It was time for some Christmas magic. Santa Claus, eat your heart out!


	5. Nikaido Saki (Part 2)

_A/N: Yet another chapter that turned out way bigger than I expected! This is the last Saki chapter for this story. Next one is Kotaro again ;) Thanks for being so patient with my uploads! I'm slow but I haven't forgotten my stories.  
_

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Zombieland Saga or any of its characters.**

LAST TIME: Saki and Kotaro crashed the bike and lost the tree, and now they're tree-less! Can they find another in time for xmas?

* * *

Chapter 5: Nikaido Saki (Part 2)

It was a long walk back to Karatsu. When you're on a bike, places don't seem so far away. They seem even _less_ far away when you ignore the slow-ass speed limits they tell you to stick to. On foot, we might as well have been travelling to the Moon and back. We walked alongside the highway, because neither of us knew where we were going and the likelihood of there being an easy pedestrian route from one end of Saga prefecture to the other was close to zero. Every step I took I discovered new and exciting lumps and bumps in the terrain, hidden by the snow, to lose my balance on. I wasn't the only one; Shades looked like he'd drunk a whole sake bar dry with how unsteady he was walking. All in all, it took us over two hours to reach the Karatsu city limits. It felt like two _years_.

As if to greet us, the blizzard, which had quietened down a bit during our hike, started pouring sheets of snow down from the sky. I took the lead. Although I could barely see my own hands in front of my face, I knew where we were now. I knew where we had to go to finally get a tree. Shades, however...

"Saki, where are we going?"

"Seven Eleven."

"...I don't understand."

"You know how they have those little Christmas trees up in the storefront?"

"They do?"

"Well they _did_."

And I sure hoped they _still_ did cos outside of that I didn't have a fucking clue where to find a Christmas tree at asshole-o-clock in the morning. The windows of every building were dark, and now we were off the highway, there wasn't a single car on the road, either.

So we trudged our way down the street, our shoes wet and frosty from all the sleet and snow, slowly but surely heading towards the Seven Eleven. The one I was thinking of stood across the river from Karatsu Castle, nestled among a few other small businesses. I used to visit it sometimes back in the day. Me and the manager were good buddies, sort of. I punched one of his teeth out in middle school. He was several years my senior and I didn't appreciate him hitting on me, so I let him know in the only language idiots seem to understand. You think that'd scare a guy off, but he kept trying, and I kept telling him to fuck off. Then rumours started spreading that he was gay. He was single right up till I died, I think. Well, 'single', if you get what I mean. Unmarried. I bet his parents gave him so much shit for it. I have no regrets about abandoning mine. Really they made the choice for me. It's us or the bike, they said. It wasn't an easy decision but it was an obvious one. My team are the only family I need. Back then it was Dorami, now it's Franchouchou. No regrets.

After crossing over a bridge and passing by not one but _two_ yakitori restaurants (nothing beats Drive-in Tori, I don't care _how_ tasty they smell), we finally arrived at the Seven Eleven.

"Right Shades," I said, "let me do the talking."

He was so covered in snow he looked like an ice sculpture. For a moment I wondered if I looked just as ridiculous, but then I thought 'fuck it', and walked inside.

I didn't recognise woman at the register. I mean, that shouldn't have come as a surprise. I didn't recognise the guy stacking the shelves either, but as I looked around the store, sure enough, there was the tree. It was about as tall as I was, with golden baubles and a single coil of red tinsel wrapped around it. I tapped Shades on the arm,

"Whaddya think? This'll do, right?"

He held his frosty chin, "Hmm. Yes, yes this isn't bad. A nice tree."

"Right?"

The guy stacking shelves gave me a funny look as he walked past us. I held back the urge to glare at him.

"I have ten thousand yen in my wallet," Kotaro said, "I think I can get it for less than that."

"Leave it to me, Shades. I can get us this tree for nothing."

He smirked at me, "Really? Well _I_ think I can get them to pay us to take this tree away."

Now he was talking my language, "Is that a challenge?"

He adjusted his glasses and turned to the cashier. I considered charging ahead of him, but then I thought hell, why not let the loverboy go first. There was no way he was beating me.

"Excuse me, young lady," he began, in his best seductive voice, "I need a little something to help me celebrate this Christmas..."

As he stared into her eyes, I could tell she wasn't buying it. That's when I noticed the streak of bright red dye in her otherwise totally black hair, and the tattoo on her neck, peeping out from under her uniform. It made me wonder...

He placed a finger under her chin, "You wouldn't consider letting me have that Christmas tree, would you?"

She flicked his finger away, "I'm sorry sir, but that tree isn't for sale."

I could feel the frown in his shoulders as he slumped onto the counter, "Not even for ten thousand yen?"

"I can't sell it, it's the manager's... it's-"

I shoved Shades out of the way, leaned one arm on the counter and shot the cashier my sexiest smile.

"Ignore that idiot, he doesn't know a good thing when he sees it."

"Excuse me?"

"For example, your hair. The red really suits you."

She blushed, "Ah, uh, thank you."

"Red's my second favourite colour after pink. I know, I don't look like a pink kinda girl, but everyone's got a soft side, right? For the right person, anyway..."

She was speechless. Perfect.

"That's your manager's tree?"

"Uh, yes, yes he brought it here for Christmas."

"You know me and your manager go way back."

She gave me the kinda look you give people when they claim to be Jesus Christ or the re-incarnation of Oda Nobunaga, "Really?"

For a second I completely forgot that I still looked eighteen.

"Uh, yeah! Yeah just a couple years, like, you know. Anyway," I looked at her name tag, "Minami? Is that your name?"

"Yes."

"I get that you have to play the goody-two-shoes while you're behind the cash register, but I think we both know you're a lot wilder than that, right? I bet you're a whole different person with that uniform off..."

She didn't know what to say that. She didn't know where to look either. If I'd been a guy she'd definitely have called the police already. But I'm not a guy, and also, I looked smokin' hot with Kotaro's hollywood makeup on.

"What I'm trying to say, Minami, is that you need to relax a little. I think if your manager knew _I_ wanted the tree, he'd consider selling."

"Well, I, I'm not-"

I leaned in real close, "Come on, it can't hurt to ask, right?"

Her face was as red as a strawberry, "His office is j-just through that door over there, but he was just about to-"

"No problem! It'll only take a second!"

Kotaro was sulking over by the ice cream cabinet, pretending not to notice how I whooped his ass at winning over the cashier. I poked my tongue out at him as I passed by. He could sulk all he wanted, but even _he_ can't out-do me when it comes to charming girls. I took a moment to enjoy the fact that damn right, I've still got it, then I cleared my head. It was time for the real deal: getting that goddamn tree.

I walked up to the manager's office door. Sure enough, the name on the front was none other than the idiot who had a crush on me way back when: Shige Itoh. I tried to think of how old he'd be now, but then that made me think how old _I_ must be, so I cut that out before it could even get started.

His door wasn't the kind that made a solid sound when you knocked on it. It made more of an echoey, rattling noise, like the windows on old trains that always sound like they're about to fall out onto the tracks. I waited a second for him to invite me in, but nothing happened. I considered knocking again, but then I decided hell, why not just let _myself_ in? So I did.

He was leaning over his desk, headphones over his ears and a pen in his hand, madly scribbling something or other onto a big-ass sheet of paper. He didn't have a clue who was standing behind him. That's when I got an idea. I tapped him on the shoulder. The shock made him jump out of his seat so fast he nearly flipped the chair over.

"Wh-who are you!? Haven't you heard of knocking before entering someone's office?"

Man did he look different. For starters he'd lost half his hair and gained some thick-rimmed glasses. He also sported a thin beard that sprouted out at random points on his face like a badly mowed lawn. He was so totally different that for a moment I was actually speechless. I began to wonder if he really _was_ the guy I knew or if he was just some bozo with the same name. But I had a job to do, so I put all of that to the back of my mind, looked him dead in the eyes and in my deepest voice said,

"Do you believe in ghosts?"

"Ghosts...?"

I took a step closer to him, "Yeah, the undead. Beings from beyond the grave, wandering the Earth cos they have unfinished business..."

"I don't understand."

"You and me got a score to settle, Shige."

He backed away till he was almost sitting on his desk, "No, no no no! You've got the wrong guy! I've never had anything to do with the Yakuza! This must be a mistake!"

"Yakuza?!" I laughed, "I may have blonde hair but I'm not a Yak, Shige. Don't you remember?"

"Remember what?"

"It's me, Saki Nikaido, the girl who took out your front tooth."

If I had any doubts, they went out the window when I saw the the look on his face. He knew he couldn't deny what his eyes were telling him. Come on, I thought, _recognise_ me.

"No way..." he gasped, "this is a joke, isn't it? It's not funny."

"It's not a joke, but it _is_ funny seeing you cooped up in this little box. Out of the two of us, I think _I'm_ actually the one doing better right now, and I'm dead!" I pointed behind him, "Anyway, what were you writing on that paper?"

I strode over to the desk but he covered the paper with his body.

"N-nothing!"

I budged him out of the way. There, laid out neatly across the desk, was a draft page from what looked like one hell of a kinky H-manga.

"Dude, you were drawing _porn_? Hahaha!"

"It's not what it looks like!"

"Gotta get that guy-on-guy action in _somewhere_."

"It's for a friend."

"Oh come on Shige, we both know better than that. In fact, that's why I'm here..." I gave him a menacing grin, "You have committed many sins, Shige. Many, many sins."

He shook his head in denial. His hands were trembling. The better part of me started to wonder if I'd taken it too far, but then the worst part of me thought nah, to hell with it, if you're gonna spook someone you've gotta go all or nothing.

"I'm like one of those Christmas ghosts," I said, poking his nose with my index finger, "here to teach you a lesson."

"P-please don't kill me!"

"Well!" I exclaimed, swinging my arms open, "That all depends on if you're willing to make a charitable donation to the heavens!"

"...to _church_?"

"No! To me! Specifically, I need your Christmas tree."

"Just my Christmas tree? Not money, or my immortal soul?"

"Well you can give those too if you want."

He fiddled with his buttons, his face a picture of confusion. I decided it was time to change my strategy.

"Look, sit down all right? You look so antsy you're making _me_ nervous. All I want is your damn Christmas tree."

He turned his chair around and sat down in front of his desk, facing me.

"Are you really Saki?"

"Yes. I got brought back from the dead as a zombie."

"By who?"

"Uh," I couldn't tell him it was Kotaro, or else all of Franchouchou would be screwed, so I thought up a lie, and I thought it up quick, "well believe it or not, I got brought back by Santa Claus."

He didn't like my answer, "You don't _look_ like a zombie... and Santa doesn't raise people from dead."

"Santa's elves are good with makeup, and the old man's recently got into some freaky new hobbies. That satisfy you?"

"No."

"Well tough shit, cos I ain't telling you no more."

He smirked, "Now _that's_ the Saki Nikaido I remember."

"The one and only!"

"You know, that was always what I loved about you. You never took crap from anyone."

"Not even you."

He laughed, "No, not even me."

"You knew I was lesbian, right?"

"I'm not proud of my teenage years."

"At least you had guts. Not many guys would keep coming back to a girl who knocked one of their teeth out. I mean you were stupid, but you were stupid with _guts_."

"Are you stupid with guts, Saki?"

I rolled up my sleeve, "You wanna lose another tooth?"

He raised his hands in surrender, "I think I've finally learned my lesson."

"So I can have the tree?"

He thought about it for a moment, then he said, "Yeah, go on. This is probably a dream anyway. I'm gonna wake up and the tree will still be there."

Now it was my turn to smirk, "Don't count on it."

I headed for the door. That went well, I thought to myself. But inside there was still one more thing I wanted to ask him. With my hand resting on the doorknob I looked back and gave in to my curiosity,

"Shige, I've been wondering for a long time now... were the rumours true? Did you really hook up with another guy back in middle school?"

He looked at me, not afraid like when he first saw me, but relieved, and replied, "Yes."

I gave him a thumbs up, "Nice."

Back in the storefront, Kotaro was trying his luck with the cashier again, to no avail.

"How about you give me this one on the house?" he said, holding up a chocolate ice cream.

"I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to pay for it or put it back."

"Yeah Shades," I interrupted, "besides, this one's mine."

I snatched the ice cream from his hands, unwrapped it, and took a big bite out of it right in front of the cashier. I gave her a flirty wink to top it off.

"Ogay Godaro, dime do-"

"Saki, you're not making any-"

I gulped down what was left of the chocolate, "The tree. He's given it to us."

Minami gasped, "He _did_!? He gave you the tree?"

She didn't mention the ice cream, which was good because I didn't have the money to pay for it.

"Yep," I replied, "it's ours to keep, he said! So Shades," I slapped him on the back, "you know what that means?"

He didn't.

"It means it's time to GO GO GO! GO GO GO GO GO!"

He wasn't ready for me to steal his line, but he jumped into action out of sheer shock. He ran for the tree, grabbed it in both arms, and we were out of the store and into the storm so fast I didn't even get to wave Minami goodbye.

I gave Kotaro a friendly elbow to the arm, "How'd you like a taste of your own medicine?"

"It just proves to me that my methods work."

"Well when you scream something with enough energy, it'll get _anyone_ motivated."

"You'd know."

"Damn right I would. You can't fire up a biker gang with poetry, you know? You gotta scream at 'em."

The snow was falling thick and fast. It didn't help that the wind had decided to rush right at us as we struggled down the road, flinging snow directly into my eyes.

"What's _up_ with this weather?"

"I don't see what's so bad about it."

"Don't act big, Shades. You've got that tree to protect you, not to mention your sunglasses. What have I got?"

"I thought you had guts?"

As he said that, a huge gust came wailing through the street like a snowplough, kicking up all the shit lying on the ground and throwing it about all over the place. It nearly tore my jacket off, but I kept my footing. Shades wasn't so lucky. He was dragged off his feet and into the road. As he fell, the tree was torn from his hands and flung against the wall of someone's house. All the decorations jingled off and flew away into the blizzard.

"Shades, the tree!"

I ran to grab it but as I got close it got blown away again, further the down the road. I kept chasing it, always just out of grabbing distance. Eventually I'd had enough.

"I'm gonna get you, you bastard tree!"

I leapt through the air. The tree tried to escape but it couldn't outrun me this time. I landed right on top of it, crushing most of its branches and definitely smashing what remaining decorations it _did_ have, but at least I finally had it in my arms.

Behind me I heard the faint sound of applause. Clearly Kotaro had picked himself up after his fall.

"Good job, Saki."

I rolled off of the tree and lifted it out of the snow, "I hope you didn't want the decorations."

"I already have plenty in my office."

A flash of lightning shot across the clouds. The thunder came soon after. We had to get back indoors, and fast.

"How far are we from the house?"

"Hmm," Kotaro replied, "well I don't normally walk this far. I usually take the van."

Another bolt of lightning. This time the thunder came immediately after, rumbling so loudly that I could feel in my chest.

"Dude we need to get indoors before the storm trashes our tree."

"Indoors where?"

"How about, uh..."

Then in the distance I saw it. A big red sign glowing in the darkness. One of the few places around Karatsu that was open 24-7.

"Hey, Shades, you like family restaurants?"

"Family restaurants...? The kind with self-service drink bars?"

"Exactly."

I pointed to the sign, "Got a 'Gusto' over there, might even be one of those twenty-four hour ones."

More thunder. My fingers were starting to go numb. Kotaro trudged past me silently, his cape completely snow-encrusted in the storm.

"I'll take that as a 'yes' then."

I practically fell through the door. It was so warm inside that it felt like we'd just walked into an oven.

"Hello!" said the chirpy waitress, "Two?"

"Uh, yeah, and a tree." I replied.

"Right this way!"

The place was totally dead, dead-er than I was, even, but she still dutifully directed us to a little table for two in the corner of the restaurant, by a huge window. It wasn't much of a view; the blizzard was so intense it felt like being inside a shaken-up snowglobe.

"Here's the Grand Menu," she explained, taking two huge plastic menus out of a holder on the table and handing them to us, "please ring the bell when you're ready to order."

Next to the salt and pepper shakers was a little plastic button that when pushed rang a bell to summon the waiting staff. I didn't often go to family restaurants when I was alive, but seeing the little bell really took me back.

"You hungry, Shades?"

He was staring forlornly out into the white nothingness.

"Hm? Ah, no, not really. I might have some fries or something."

He didn't break eye contact with the snow. Beside him the tree was slowly melting into the floor.

"Dude, is something up? You don't look right."

"I'll have a drink bar."

"That's not what I'm talking about."

He rested his head on his hands, "Things didn't go as I planned..."

"No shit, we should've left the whole trip for another day when the weather wasn't trying to kill us."

He looked down at the 'Grand Menu'. I'd never seen him so blue before. I rested my elbows on the table, "Look, we got the tree, didn't we? I mean, I know it got a bit wet in the snow just now, but it doesn't look too bad! Nothing we can't fix."

He remained silent, his eyes unreadable behind his sunglasses.

"Come on, Shades, get a grip already! We did it! We got the damn tree! No one has to know it wasn't the tree you planned to bring back, do they!? What is your problem!?"

"Ugh," he sighed, "I'm sorry, Saki."

Now that one threw me. That had to be the first time I'd ever heard him to apologise like that – not just to me but to anyone.

"Coming in here," he continued, "it reminded me... I... came here once before, with uh, well..."

"...with who?"

"I didn't expect the memory to hit me."

"Yeah but with who? Don't leave me hanging like this."

"...it was with Sakura."

At first I didn't make the connection, "You came here with Sakura? When was that? I don't recall you two heading out alone since I woke up."

He let out a bitter chuckle, "No, no... this was..." he leaned back in the chair and sighed again, "Ahhh I think I'm finally feeling the effects of staying up all night."

I couldn't make head or tail of his weird behaviour. Maybe it was the hunger, or maybe I'm just a dumbass, but somehow it didn't occur to me to think 'Wait a minute, maybe he knew Sakura before she died'. You know what I _was_ thinking, though? I was thinking I could really go for some Extra Spicy Chicken with infinite soda. So I pushed the button.

Within seconds the waitress had descended upon our table.

"What can I get you?"

"I'll have the Extra Spicy Fried Chicken and a drink bar," I said. She noted down my order then looked over to Kotaro. He was still moping, so I suggested,

"I think what you need is some sweet relief, my man. Get yourself a drink bar."

He nodded, "Yeah, I'll have a drink bar. Just a drink bar."

"Okay, coming right up! Please help yourself to the drinks!" she replied, then off she went to the kitchen. Probably the chef would be happy to have some work to do, I thought. But then again, if it was me, I'd much rather have a nap than cook some jackass a fry-up.

Kotaro stood up and asked me, "What do you want to drink?"

"Nah it's okay dude, I'll get my own. I like to have a bit of everything."

We wandered over to the drink bar together, "A bit of everything? Even the coffee?"

"Hell no, just the soda."

"I like my soda pure."

"Yeah but when you mix them, it makes the wildest flavour."

He pushed a lever and poured himself a glass of cola, no ice.

"You don't do ice, Shades?"

"The ice dilutes the cola flavour as it melts."

I started working my way through the various sodas. Cola, Melon Soda, Orangeade, Lemonade; you name it, I added it to the glass.

"Ah shit, I should've added ice before I did the soda."

"It doesn't need ice."

"If the chicken is as spicy as they say it is I'm gonna want a cold drink."

I dropped a few ice cubes in my full-to-the-brim glass. Some of the liquid spilled onto the floor but not enough to matter. As we sat back at the table I downed half the glass in one go.

"Damn that's good! Honestly Shades you should try this!"

He sipped his cola, "I told you, I-"

"Yeah yeah, you like your soda pure, I get it."

He took a bigger sip, "What's the time?"

"I dunno man, you're the one with the watch."

"I lost it in the bike crash."

"Well I don't wear a watch."

"I just figured you might know."

"Why would I know the time? I haven't got zombie time-telling powers or anything."

Now he was staring into his drink. I didn't understand how he could go from being in a good mood outside in a blizzard, to being so sullen inside a nice restaurant in the warm.

"We should get going soon," he mumbled.

"Look at that snow," I said, pointing to the window, "we aren't going anywhere in _that_."

He fiddled with his sunglasses.

"I know something's up with you, Shades. Just spit it out already, before I lose my patience."

"That depends," he said, eyeing up the salt shaker, "can you keep a secret?"

"DUH! Of course I can!"

He looked at me skeptically.

"All right, all right, so I'm a bit loud. But you can trust me. Have I given away the fact that I'm a zombie yet?"

Just then the waitress arrived with my spicy chicken.

"Here you go," she said with a smile, "please enjoy!"

Kotaro was still giving me the stinkeye.

"Fine, if you aren't gonna tell me I'll just sit here and eat this chicken and you can mope in silence."

I took a bite out of the chicken. They called it extra spicy, but it wasn't even like a mild chicken from Drive-in Tori. Neither of us said anything to each other. The only sounds in the room were the muffled wails of the wind outside and the quiet grumbling of the restaurant's aircon. Even the waitress was quiet. I'd almost finished the food when Kotaro finally asked me,

"Have you ever loved anyone, Saki?"

I replied straight away,

"Yeah, I have. I thought you'd know that."

"Research can only tell me what you _did_ , not who you _were_."

"That's deep."

"There's a lot of overlap between necromancy and philosophy."

"What, because both of them attract weirdos like you?" I joked.

"Hmph! You're one to talk."

"It's all right, we're both weird. Hell, we're all weird, all of Franchouchou."

"It's why I chose you."

"Cos I'm a weirdo?"

"Because you all belong together," he replied.

Outside the snow turned to hail. Suddenly it sounded like the restaurant was under attack from an army of machine guns. I took a straw from the stand where the menus were and started stirring my soda concoction.

"So did you figure that we'd all turn out to be gay?"

He frowned, "No..."

"Hahaha! Why do you sound so grumpy about that? Don't tell me you've got a crush on Ai? Or is it Junko?"

"Not at all! I-"

"Oh no, Shades, please, is it Lily? Will I have to call the cops?"

He was blushing now.

"It _is_ Lily!? Dude seriously?"

"I do _not_ have a crush on Lily!"

"Then who?"

"Sakura!"

My jaw dropped.

"No way... is that why she's the center?"

His face was as red as a tomato. I chugged down what remained of my soda mixture.

"Hey man I'm not judging."

He crossed his arms and pouted like a little kid.

"When did you get this crush on her?"

He tapped his fingers on the table, refusing to make eye contact with me.

"...middle school," he said quietly.

"Hmm?" I teased, "what was that?"

"I knew her in middle school."

It took me a moment. But then I realised.

"Ah! So you knew her before she DI-"

He smacked his hand over my mouth. I went to punch him but then I saw the waitress wandering by, wiping tables that were already perfectly clean.

"Mmhfmfhm."

He took his hand off me.

"You panic too much," I grumbled.

"We have to be careful."

"You have to be _braver_."

That annoyed him.

"I'm not a coward, Saki."

"And yet you never told Sakura your feelings."

"Did you tell your crush _yours_?"

Now it was my turn to be annoyed.

"I was in love with _Reiko_. She was _straight_."

"How do you know that?"

"Well I just, I just _knew_ , all right? I just assumed... I never really told her my feelings so it didn't come up. I mean she must've known about me, kind of everyone knew about me-"

He smirked, "Of course they did! How could they not?"

"...I'll take that as a compliment."

We sat in silence for a while after that. The ice in my glass had completely melted in the restaurant's oven-hot room temperature. I went and got another drink, same as last time, still putting the ice in after the liquid, like an idiot, and still spilling everything everywhere in the process.

Should I have told Reiko that I loved her? I stood there, soda glass in hand, staring at the melon soda button on the drinks machine trying to think back, trying to find any memory of Reiko indicating that maybe she was interested in me like I was in her. It's easy to make bold decisions when you're not afraid of messing up. When everything's screwed already why worry, right? I was a fuckup from get-go. Every decision's a good decision when you start out as badly as I did. But with Reiko it was different. Reiko mattered to me. I didn't wanna fuck that up. It was better to hold it in, to keep it to myself. The one time I needed to have guts, and the one goddamn time I didn't have any.

I sat back down at the table. Kotaro looked about as good as I felt.

"...Saki..." he began, absorbed in his reflection in the restaurant window, "what should I do?"

With me and Reiko it was already over; she already had a kid, a husband, everything. Kotaro still had a shot, or at least a chance to actually tell the person he loved how he felt.

"You've gotta tell her, man."

"It's not that simple."

"Yes it is."

"But Saki-"

"No, shut up for a second and listen. I lived and died without saying how I felt-"

Kotaro grimaced. I look around and the waitress was staring at us. I glared at her and she went back to messing around with the empty tables.

"-I never told Reiko how I felt, and now I'm stuck with it forever, all right? You wanna know how that feels? Let me tell you: it feels like shit."

"I know."

"No you don't."

He kept looking right at me. Or at least, I thought he did. His shades hid everything. Maybe that's why he wore them all the time.

"You knew Sakura in real life, right?" I continued, "You've known her longer than any of us. Even if when you tell her it all goes to shit, she's not gonna turn her back on you."

"How do _you_ know that?" he said, his voice getting louder, "I could tell her, and she won't feel even remotely the same way! Now I'm a creep, now I make her feel awkward, make it impossible for her to be in Franchouchou-"

"Woah hold up-"

He started to become frantic, "she'll be forced to leave, alone, nowhere to go, and it'll be _my_ fault! After everything I did to make her dream come true, _I'll_ be the one to destroy it, and there'll be no coming back, nothing..."

He slumped in his chair.

I took another swig of my soda concoction, "Let me talk to her."

"No! You can't."

"Why not?"

"Please, let me handle this."

"Seriously-"

"Please. Promise me you won't tell her."

"If I don't tell her, will _you_?"

He sighed, "Just promise me, Saki."

"All right, all right, I won't tell her. I _promise_."

I knew right away I wasn't keeping that promise.

"Shades," I said, "you're kidding yourself if you think you can just ignore these feelings."

"If I'm going to tell her, I want to tell her at the right time. It needs to be perfect."

"No it doesn't. It just needs to be genuine. I waited and waited too, and look where I am now."

He frowned, "I'm sorry Saki."

"...for what?"

"When I brought everyone back from the dea- uh... well when I brought everyone back, I knew this was a possibility. I knew it was possible you'd meet people from before, and relive regrets from the past. This is my fault, really."

"My shit is my shit, all right? Don't blame yourself. I had my chance and I blew it. That's on me. But now you have the same choice. Right now, you're going down the same shitty path I did, and you can keep on going that way if you want, but you'd be acting like a goddamn idiot. Learn from my mistakes, Shades. Tell her."

I could see it was tearing him up inside. In the past the only side I ever saw of Shades was Mr. Bold and Confident (and a bit goofy), but that night I saw how vulnerable he could be. It was weird. That wasn't how I expected to feel about Kotaro. If I'd gone back and told the others about what happened I don't think anyone would believe me. He was like a different person.

Then he adjusted his sunglasses.

"Alright," he said.

"Hm?"

"I'll do it. I'll tell her. What you said was right," he continued, his voice getting louder with every word.

"Can't believe you just admitted that."

"Hmph! You'll have to keep that a secret as well!"

"No chance!"

He stood up dramatically, knocking the tree onto its side as he swung his arms out, "Right! It's time to go home. Oh and Saki..."

"Yeah?"

He pointed at me and grinned, "Thanks for the idea."

"What, to tell Sakura? I thought that was your-"

But it was too late, he was already throwing money at the cashier and racing for the door.

"Hey! Wait up god damn it!"

I grabbed the tree and ran after him. The storm hadn't let up even a little bit. Immediately snow was flinging itself into my eyes.

"You owe me one for this, Shades."

He clapped me on the back, "I don't have to pay you for official idol activity."

"Don't push your luck."

"We'll discuss it when we get home. For now, Saki, lead the way."

"I thought you knew the way back?"

"I did, but everything looks different in the snow."

"That's what got us stuck here in the first place..."

"I trust you."

Yeah, he was back to his usual self all right. I almost preferred him when he was mopey and confused.

The journey back felt like it would never end. Every turn we took was somehow a wrong turn. At one point we even ended up at Karatsu Castle. Thankfully we passed by an old bar I used to (illegally) drink at, and from there I knew the way back to our hideout at the edge of town. Kotaro's van was sitting outside the front door, half-buried in snow.

"Honestly, dude, we should've just taken the fucking van."

"Shh! Keep your voice down. We don't want to wake the others."

Kotaro tiptoed over to the front door and gently slid the key into the lock. He looked back at me.

"You need to hide! They can't know you came with me."

I scowled at him, "They're gonna be asleep, you moron."

"Get behind the van."

"No."

"Saki-"

"Just open the door already!"

He stood there for a moment, his hand on the doorknob, just staring at me, then he said, "Fine! But don't come in till I give you the word."

He inched the door open and crept in. By this point I was practically a snowman. I couldn't feel my feet and I had no idea how long Kotaro would be in there. I wondered: was the van locked? So I tried pulling on the tailgate. I figured with how paranoid Shades was about me seeing the inside of the van that it'd be locked shut, but no, it swung right open. When I saw what was inside I realised why he said we had to go by bike.

From behind me came the familiar creak of our front door.

"Okay Saki, you can-"

His jaw practically fell off.

"How did you open that!?"

"It was unlocked."

Inside the van was a mountain of Sakura-themed paraphernalia. I'm not just talking photos, I'm talking body pillows, plushies, poorly-drawn portraits and even a school uniform.

"Shades... I get that you like Sakura, but this is next level."

Now he was beside me, scratching his head and avoiding eye contact.

"I can explain."

I held back laughter, "Explain how you're _not_ a creepy stalker?"

"I had to move it out of my office."

"Right, for the Christmas stuff..."

"Exactly."

"But why did you make all this crap in the first place?"

"Actually I had most of it commissioned by a friend of mine. I did the drawings though."

I facepalmed so hard my hand almost went _through_ my face.

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?"

"Love makes you do strange things."

"I suppose you want me to keep this a secret too?"

"Of course."

"All right. On one condition..."

He audibly gulped.

"Drive-in Tori. We haven't eaten there since the commercial shoot. Take me back there again and I won't tell Sakura you're a creepy weirdo (although honestly she probably already thinks you're a creepy weirdo)."

He sighed, "Fine, you've got a deal."

We shook on it and he shut the door on his mountain of shame. This time he made sure to lock it. Then he took the tree from me.

"You go in first. Be as quiet as possible; no one can notice you getting into bed."

"I can't remember where I left my PJs, so it might take a while."

"Forget about the pyjamas, just sneak in there and get in the futon."

"You're a pain in the ass, Shades."

"I'll go in after you and hide the tree in my office."

I did as he asked and crept in to the bedroom. I saw that Lily was in bed now; she must've woken up after we left. It's possible she noticed I was gone...

'Great', I thought to myself, 'gonna be fun trying to explain _that_ in the morning.'

But I already knew I wasn't keeping Kotaro's secret. If anyone knew Sakura it was me, and I knew I could find out whether she had feelings for the big idiot or not. In truth I kinda had the hots for Sakura myself, and I'd been meaning to ask her about what kinda people she was into, if you get what I'm saying.

Then I got thinking about Reiko again. She may have looked a lot older when I saw her up at Kagamiyama, but she was still just as beautiful as she ever was. I should've said something to her, right there and then. I'm not normally one for regrets, but if I had any regrets it was that I never told Reiko how I felt when I was alive. Maybe now it was finally time to _really_ be gutsy.

Maybe.

Then as I closed my eyes and was about to drift off to sleep, Kotaro, with all the grace of a hyperactive hippo, barged in through the front door. A few hours later and I had to be up to sort out the tree I'd spent all damn night obtaining.

And the rest... well you know the rest. The whole decorating-the-tree thing went fine, better than expected, even, despite how tired I felt. I'm glad everyone else wanted to do the hard work cos after putting up that tree I was _done_.

As crazy as the night had been, the rest of the day was totally normal. An average day at the Franchouchou house, feat. Christmas decorations. I spent so much time napping that I almost forgot to talk to Sakura. But I didn't forget. Hell no. This year, Santa Claus is a blonde, match-making lesbian, baby. Whip out your mistletoes and get your bells a-jingling, cos Santa's riding a Harley into town this Christmas!

"Saki-chan?"

I froze, startled. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't realise Sakura had walked right in front of me in the hallway.

"Ah, uh, Sakura... I wanted to tell ya something."

Her eyes widened in surprise, "Actually, I have something I need to talk to you about, too..."


	6. Tatsumi Kotaro (Final Chapter)

_A/N: I finally finished this! So sorry it took so damn long! Had a lot of mental health stuff happen and it was real tricky to make a good ending for this but I finally did it. It's ALMOST a 'Christmas In July' scenario but unfortunately I finished it just a bit too early ;P I hope this chapter makes up for the long wait! Thank you all for sticking with the fic despite it ending long after Christmas has come and gone. I'm gonna be writing mainly one-shots in future, which are easier for me to write and also I have lots of ideas._

 _Also! I take some inspiration for past-Kotaro from RatboyThin's excellent fic 'Bodies - The Ungodly Science Of Kotaro Tatsumi'. It's well worth a read._

 _Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy!_

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Zombieland Saga or any of its characters.**

* * *

Chapter 6: Tatsumi Kotaro (Final Chapter)

I've always known it. Ever since the first time I heard Morning Musume playing through the coffee-stained half-dead speakers in my dad's old car, I could feel it, even if I couldn't put it into words. Then finally, when I bought my first Iron Frill CD as teenager, it came to me. The words to describe that fact which I'd always felt but never been able to describe: idols are made of dreams.

There's a sense of hope when you watch a group of young girls do their best together, as a team on stage, on TV; reading interviews in magazines, you learn just how hard they had to work to achieve what they did. When I was growing up, idols weren't distant stars; they felt real, within reach. You almost knew them personally. We're on the same wavelength, I thought, we share the same troubles, the same emotions. If they can achieve their dreams, then so can I. That's what I believed, and I believed it completely.

I'd always had an interest in zombie movies, but in a casual way, the way someone might like to scare themselves with a horror movie in the early evening and then sleep soundly in their bed at night as if they'd watched a romcom. That all changed after I learned of Sakura's death. I heard about it at school first. You can't mourn surrounded by so many people, so many people who don't understand you, people who didn't understand Sakura. There's no room to cry in that situation. I held everything in so much that even at home I couldn't cry. Instead I turned to my zombie movies for comfort. It stopped being a fun pastime for me. All I could think about, all day and night, was death. I was obsessed with death, afraid of it and inexorably drawn to it. I watched documentaries about ancient Egyptian burial rites, about crime forensics and tragic accidents. I played my zombie movie VHS tapes so much that the films got worn down and I had to replace half of them with expensive DVD copies. The local paper ran an obituary for Sakura. I learned then that she hadn't yet been cremated. My mind started to race, filled with images of her body turning to ash. I couldn't let that happen. I wondered if it was possible to steal her corpse. I even found out where she was being kept. But when the day came for me to swoop in and commit to my insane plan, over the radio came the news that her body had gone missing. Had someone got there before me? Impossible. Then I thought: what if she'd already risen from the dead all by herself?

How good would it be, I thought, if her parents could see her alive and well again? How happy would it make them? How happy would it make the school, or Karatsu City? Everyone would win. It would be just, and _fair_ for her to have a second chance. The thoughts of a madman, you might say, and you'd be right. I was insane. And if I am still insane now it is only because, a few months after Sakura's death, I attended the Saga Rock concert where Ai Mizuno was fatefully electrocuted by a lightning bolt right in the middle of her performance. By that point I was already so far gone it almost didn't matter, though perhaps that's when the seed was planted in my mind, the 'what if' that led me down this path of necromancy.

I can't emphasise enough how much I loved Sakura, and still do. She understood, like I did, the power of idols. They didn't just give hope to her dreams, they _were_ her dream, and I wanted that for her. I wanted to see her be an idol, as beautiful and magical as any other idol. In a way I put all my dreams onto her. She _became_ my dream. It didn't help that I had none of my own. I wasn't good at school and though I often fantasised about working in Hollywood some day, it never seemed like something within my reach. I never imagined I'd really get to go to Hollywood, but life works in mysterious ways...

Suddenly my office door flies open. I expect Saki to come storming in, but instead I see Yugiri.

"Kotaro-han, we need to talk."

I lean my elbows on the desk, there's something in her eyes that unsettles me. I prepare myself for a potential Yugiri Slap, "If this is about the light-up squirrels, you can find replacement batteries in the vanity drawer in the bedroom" I say, putting up my usual front.

She closes the door and drags a seat out from under a deflated inflatable Santa Claus.

"I know that you have feelings for Sakura-han."

That wasn't what I expected her to say. Has Saki been talking? Even after I asked her not to...

"I have feelings for all of you. That's how it should be between a producer and his idol children."

"That's not what I mean."

"Christmas is not a time for _riddles_ , Yugiri!"

Her expression becomes even sterner, "You need to be honest with her, and with yourself."

I pick up my guitar and start strumming the chords to 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas'.

"Kotaro-han..."

I strum it louder.

"...you're being childish."

I drop the guitar, "You have no right to call me childish! You have no idea what's at stake here!"

"Everyone already knows that you're in love with her. You're only hurting yourself with this stubborn silence."

I feel the blood drain from my head, "...what? Did Saki really tell everyone?"

"I didn't need Saki-han to tell me anything. I saw the look in your eyes when we were putting up the Christmas tree. It was obvious."

"Only to you."

"And to her."

"That's not true."

She lights up a cigarette, "It _is_ true."

"Isn't."

"You're not the only one who's been in love, Kotaro-han. I had a man I loved... I never told him my feelings before I passed away. Now I can never tell him, and if you don't start listening to your heart you'll suffer the same fate."

I don't know what to say to that. Should I apologise for bringing her back to life? No, that's ridiculous.

"Kotaro-han-"

"Look, it's not that I don't want to tell her. I do. I realise it's not healthy to bottle it up like this. Even if she doesn't feel the same way, I should-"

Then I feel it. The firm palm smacking into my cheek. Fingernails inflicting passing blows on my jaw. My head jolts to the side, almost flinging my sunglasses clean off my face.

"It's not healthy to bottle your feelings up, Kotaro-han!" she scolds, "Even if Sakura-han doesn't feel the same way, you can't leave her wondering like this! She has a right to know!"

"Ouch, jeez! I was about to say that!"

She stands up and turns to face the door, "Even when you both know that love is there... so long as neither of you can acknowledge it openly, you'll always be guessing, and wondering, and holding back. It makes you doubt yourself. I'm lucky, the only thing missing from my relationship were the words 'I love you'. I didn't need to put on an act and feign disinterest – quite the opposite. I can't imagine how difficult it would be if someone had to do that all day, every day. I wouldn't wish such a punishment on my worst enemy."

"Yugiri-"

But she's already out the door, down the hall, miles away from me and the deflated inflatable Santa that I'm probably never going to actually get around to blowing up.

"Man," comes a familiar voice, "she really gave you a fuckin' talking to, didn't she?"

"Saki?"

She strides into my office with her characteristic confidence. We both saw a vulnerable side to each other back in that Gusto in town, but even so I still find myself wondering: is there anything that really scares her?

"You look like shit, Shades."

"Thanks..."

She doesn't sit down.

"I talked to Sakura for ya."

"I told you not to! You promised!"

"Don't get ahead of yourself, she approached me first!"

"... she did?"

"You'll be pleased to know she's not a lesbian."

"Wait, so you mean-"

"I ain't saying nothing."

"Saki come on, this isn't a joke for me."

"It's not a joke for _me_ either! I thought I had a chance with her!"

She sounds angry but she's grinning, "It's all right though. I've always been alone. That's just how it is. Even surrounded by all these fucking queers I'm flying solo. Just my luck, eh?"

"Actually, about that-"

"Save it for later, I promised I'd take Lily clothes shopping and I've already kept her waiting."

"What...? Shopping? With what money?"

"Who said anything about money?"

"You can't just steal! If you get caught the whole of Franchouchou will-"

She runs out the office, "I'll catch you later Kotaro!"

"SAKI! IF YOU GET IN TROUBLE I'M GONNA FEED YOU TO ROMERO! I MEAN IT!"

"GET FUCKED OLD MAN!" she yells down the hall.

"YOU'RE OLDER THAN ME!"

For a while everything is quiet. I relax in my chair. Is Christmas always this stressful? Where have the Christmases of ten years ago gone, the ones where you just go to KFC, chow down on a whole chicken and go into a food coma. I could do with a good coma right now. My head is spinning. Saki talked to Sakura, but what about? Everything? What did Sakura say? Now I'm stuck in the house with her but there's no way I'm leaving this office. I didn't even get to tell Saki about my conversation with Reiko.

A bandaged hand knocks on the open door. It's Ai.

"And I suppose you're the ghost of Christmas Future?" I say.

"I don't know what you're talking about but I don't appreciate your tone."

"Is this about Sakura?"

"...no?"

She doesn't know. Thank god.

She furrows her brows, "What happened with Sakura?"

Damn it... I shouldn't have opened my mouth.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

She frowns, "You know, I could just ask her myself."

"Honestly it's nothing. I just have a surprise for her."

"No it's definitely something. Saki could barely contain herself."

"Saki?"

"Anyway it's fine, if you don't wanna talk about it I'm not gonna make you."

"No, do tell me about-"

She leans on the door frame, "I actually came to ask...well... do you think you could give me some money to buy Junko a Christmas present? It doesn't have to be a lot. I'd offer to take her on a date, but you know how she is and I don't wanna fluster her."

"Ah...I did have money but uh," I lost it all when I blew up a rental bike like an idiot, "it's kinda tied up at the moment."

She looks disappointed, "Really?"

I feel myself getting defensive, "Franchouchou is still small you know? You think I'm made of money!? Everything we made went up in smoke along with the wreckage at Arpino!"

She crosses her arms, "That's convenient."

"It's not an excuse!"

"...I should've guessed you were just being a tightwad."

"I'm not being tight! The money isn't _there_! I can't give you money I don't _have_ , you stupid zombie!"

Why am I saying this? That isn't what I _want_ to say.

"You know, I thought you might refuse, but I didn't think you'd be this much of a dick about it. I should've known better."

'Stop', I want to say. 'I don't mean any of that, I got frustrated at myself, it's not you', but no words leave my lips as Ai, like the others, storms out of my office. I sigh, and under my breath mutter to myself,

"Seems like I've messed everything up this Christmas."

I half expect someone to walk through that door and say 'No you haven't Kotaro!', but no such voice comes.

I need some fresh air.

At the back of the house the sea breeze is as strong as ever. Tae is already out here, lying on the floor next to Romero.

"Am I a failure, Tae?"

She pokes Romero on the nose.

"I thought the tree went pretty well considering. Everyone seemed to enjoy it. I enjoyed it."

Tae grunts.

"I'm crazy to have done this," I say, watching the waves crash onto the beach, "to have brought everyone back. I'm crazy."

Now she's staring at me.

"Do you think I'm crazy?"

"Ughahggh."

Maybe I _am_ crazy. Maybe believing that dreams do come true is crazy. But I believe it. That's why I brought them back. That's why I wanted to do Christmas together. Christmas is when dreams come true – or when they're _meant_ to. There's always some romantic special on the TV at this time of year, and I've always been a bit of a romantic. Unfortunately for me I've also always been incredibly socially awkward. Before I learnt how to act in Hollywood I was about as charming as driftwood. Yet somehow despite that I still clung to my dream of someday going out on Christmas Eve with a beautiful girl, being that charming guy that everyone wants to be but no one ever is. I let myself run wild, I imagined myself with Sakura. I'd almost forgotten about my zombie obsession at that point, but as the fantasy took hold I found myself returning to it, wondering 'what if'. The answer to that question took me places few had been before. In the end I achieved my goal, but somehow that awkwardness I had in my teenage years never went away... So here I am, having successfully defied fate, defied the laws of nature, and yet still I can't do something as simple as confess my feelings to my schoolboy crush.

I'm crazy. I'm insane. I've lost my mind. But I'm glad. My mind needed losing. I have Christmas to thank for it, too. When I woke up on December 1st and I heard the wind and saw the grey clouds blotting out the sun, something changed inside me. I could feel it. A question floated to the top of my mind, lucid and clear even though I was half asleep. That question was: what if you finally did what you always wanted to do?

It's not like I had an answer; in fact I definitely didn't have an answer. But I could feel that the answer was within me. I got the sudden urge to fill the house with Christmas in every form. I started thinking about presents, trees, decorations. I didn't understand it, and I still can't explain it, even now, but as I went about my business that memory, that fantasy of taking Sakura on a date resurfaced, shining bright like a diamond in my mind's eye. I knew then that something had to change; I couldn't hold my feelings in anymore. But changing old habits is easier said than done...

My cell phone buzzes in my pocket. It's a message from Reiko Kirishima. I almost forgot I gave her my number.

'Thanks again Tatsumi-san,'it reads, 'I'm on way now. Please let her know I'm coming.'

On her way _now_? I thought we agreed she'd be here in the _evening_. Did I imagine that part? I feel my stomach dissolving onto the floor. This is all too sudden. I shouldn't have gone to her house yesterday, I shouldn't have mentioned Saki, and I definitely shouldn't have invited her over. But what was I supposed to do when she said-

"Tatsumi-san."

I almost leap over the balcony and into the ocean, "REIKO!?"

I turn around, staring up at me is none other than the 80s legend herself.

"I've never had anyone pronounce my name that way before."

I sigh in relief, "Junko! It's just you, ha ha! Hahaha!"

She looks confused, "Are you all right, Tatsumi-san?"

"Never better! Just doing producer-ly things, thinking about our next steps as an idol group. Maybe we should enlist Santa in our promos, hm? What do you think?"

"Ah, uh, yes that might be nice. He seems like a very jolly fellow."

"Very jolly."

"I had a question, actually. About Christmas."

"Hit me with it."

"I couldn't help but overhear you talking to Mizuno-san earlier..."

She nervously eyes Tae, who's now sleeping, curled up in a little ball, "...I was wondering if you could... maybe if you could suggest to her... to invite me on a date...?"

"Can't you just invite her yourself?"

Immediately her face turns tomato red. She opens her mouth to speak but only garbled nonsense comes out. It's a miracle her and Ai ever managed to actually become a couple in the first place.

"All right," I assure her, "I'll see what I can do. In return, tell me... did Saki mention anything about Sakura to you?"

"About Minamoto-san?"

"Yes, anything."

She looks off into the distance,

"No..."

"Junko-"

Suddenly she's bowing in front of me, "Thank you for your help Tatsumi-san!"

"No problem Jun-"

But before I can finish my sentence she dashes back inside.

"...what is going _on_ today?"

At least Tae is the same as always. I consider crouching down to pat her head, but then think better of it when she starts growling and pawing at thin air in her sleep. Maybe next time.

Trying my hardest to forget that I just promised to talk to Ai about taking Junko out on a date, I wander back into the house. I feel like I'm in car heading full speed off the edge of a cliff.

Oh for god's sake stop being so melodramatic! You're not meek little schoolboy 'Inui-kun' anymore. Did standing on the sidelines get him anywhere? It didn't save Sakura, did it?

Shut up, you don't understand anything. Can you even imagine what would happen to Sakura if the world knew what she was? It's not about being melodramatic. I let Saki get in my head. I shouldn't have told Reiko anything. Probably she can be trusted, but... I mean probably she can but now she has to keep the secret, and there's no guarantee-

Agh! Why am I so flustered?

Why _are_ you so flustered? This isn't like you. This isn't like me at all. Where's that confidence gone?

"Ah, Kotaro-san!" comes Sakura's voice. Now I'm hearing things as well as talking to myself, great.

Except I'm not, as standing outside my office is Sakura Minamoto, my school crush, in the flesh.

"Ah, Sakura! Good timing, I need you to replace the batteries in these light-up squirrels."

Lies fly out of my mouth as smoothly as always. I see myself in the distance, like watching a TV show or a movie, I watch, powerless, as I go through my routine.

"I need to talk to you about something," she says, fidgeting slightly.

"Christmas waits for no one, Sakura!"

I can't talk to her right now. Especially not if Saki's already got to her. I don't wanna know how she feels. It can't go well. There's no way this ends well. I'm panicking. I know I'm panicking but it doesn't matter, the fear is too real, the images of angry mobs are too real, of Sakura dead-dead again.

"But the squirrels are already lit up," she replies.

"No, they're dimming! See them dimming?"

"They aren't though..."

"Look harder."

She's right, not a single one of them is dimmer than the other. I can't keep running away. This is an act that needs to end.

"O-okay, uh... " she squints at the squirrels, "no they don't look dim to-"

I run over to one of the squirrels, rip out its batteries and fling them down the hall.

"Do you see now!? It looks the same without batteries as it did _with_ batteries! We can't have Christmas without the squirrels! I'll hand you the goods and you're gonna get _go go_ going! Understood!?"

"...Understood."

I don't wanna see the disappointment on her face. I don't wanna see her head tilted down to the floor, or the slump in her shoulders. I don't wanna hear the silence between us as I hand her the batteries, and I don't wanna hear her forlorn footsteps as she shuffles down the hall replacing the perfectly good batteries with more perfectly good batteries. I didn't hear any of it. I refuse to have heard it. I'm not listening. I can't hear it. I can't-

I can't let this continue.

"Sakura... forget the squirrels."

She stops in her tracks. She looks back at me wide-eyed. Maybe she already knows what's coming.

"I think I know what you want to talk about," I continue, "I have something I need to tell you, too... Sakura, I-"

Then there's a knock at the door. The front door. The door to the Franchouchou house.

"Kotaro-san!? Why is there a knock at the door? No one ever knocks here!"

"Don't panic," I say as my heart tries its best to burst through my ribcage, "Get in the living room and hide till I tell you it's clear."

The knocking gets more insistent. Sakura runs off with the squirrel still in hand. I open the door.

"Ah, Tatsumi-san!" Reiko says, straining a smile, "So this is where you live? It's a beautiful old house isn't it."

She looks as nervous as I feel. I muster my best fake laugh, "Haha, yes, yes it's a real antique, but it suits me well enough. Please come in."

As we walk down the hall I can hear the girls frantically doing something or other in the living room. Please god, I think, don't let Reiko see them, not yet, not now.

"Is she in there?" She asks, pointing at the living room door.

"NO!"

She flinches in shock. _Why_ did I just yell that?

"...no, no she's, she's out right now unfortunately. With Number 6."

"Oh..."

"They're going clothes shopping."

"Clothes shopping?"

"It was a spur of the moment thing."

"That's Saki for you..." she smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"I would've told her to stay but I didn't realise you'd be here so early. For some reason," another fake laugh, "I thought you'd be here in the evening! Clearly I'm losing my mind."

The girls must be able to hear all of this. What are they thinking? I didn't even ask them before telling Reiko. This is gonna take a lot of explaining...

"And the other members of Franchouchou..." Reiko begins, "they're like she is, right? Zombies?"

Kill me now. Don't revive me. Just put me six feet under.

"Hmm... uhm, well... uh... it's uh... how do I... so...it's like I said before really...I mean... in essence... yes."

A muffled gasp escapes from the living room.

"Can I see them? I still can't quite believe it."

"I'd have to ask them first, naturally, but-"

The living room door slams open. It's Ai, and I can already tell by the look on her face that she's not happy.

"If Saki were here she'd punch you in the face for telling our secret like that."

Reiko's jaw hits the floor.

"Ai," I say, "it's complicated, but we can trust her."

"It's complicated my ass. I don't know what you were thinking, but after all the times I asked to go to Tokyo and you refused, to pull this on us now, I don't even-"

"You... really are a zombie..."

We both turn to Reiko, who is now pointing at Ai with a trembling finger. She has that look in her eyes, the kind you see in zombie films just before someone goes hysterical and starts waving a baseball bat around.

I feel the blood drain from my head, "Now Reiko, I need you to remain calm. These girls may be zombies, but they're no danger to you, or anyone else."

She backs into the wall, "I... wasn't sure what to expect, but somehow it's even more terrifying."

Ai isn't looking too relaxed either. It's like the time she got shot at all over again. I notice her legs are shaking. I'm sorry Ai. Somehow I've done everything wrong. I don't know how to fix this. I should say something. I need to say something, anything.

Before I can speak, Ai bows, "I'm Mizuno Ai, also known as Number 3. Nice to meet you."

I watch on silently. I notice the others hiding behind the living room door. The only sound in the hall is Reiko's anxious panting. As I become aware of the tightness in my chest, I realise that I've been holding my breath this whole time. There are little drops on the floor from where my hands have been sweating so profusely.

Reiko takes a step forward. She waits for a moment, looking into the shadowy living room. I can't say for sure, but by the look in her eyes I think she must see the others in there. She takes a deep breath, then finally, bows in turn,

"I'm Kirishima Reiko. I used to know Saki when she was alive. Nice to meet you too."

It's all I can do to keep myself standing as relief washes over my entire body. I resist the urge to sigh. I don't want them to notice how worked up I am. I've gotta get a hold of myself.

Ai rests her hands on her hips, "You know, Saki talks about you all the time..."

Reiko blushes.

"...but don't tell her I said that."

"I'm sorry I reacted like I did," Reiko replies, "It's... strange, seeing a zombie in person."

"Not gonna lie, you scared me for a second there. But I understand. The zombie look takes some getting used to. We were all a bit shocked at first."

"Ladies!" I interject, my voice already beginning to waver, "no sense in us hanging around out here! The living room is waiting for us. Sakura, Junko, Yugiri, you don't mind, do you?"

"Uh, p-please come in!" replies Sakura from behind a tinsel-covered chair.

"Brilliant! In you go, both of you. I'll fetch us some tea."

Ai smirks, " _You'll_ get the tea? That's a change."

"Ai please, you're making me sound like a terrible person in front of our guest."

She turns to Reiko, "You can't imagine the stories I could tell you..."

I smile, "Ignore them Reiko, they're all liars, especially Ai."

I can already feel the awkward atmosphere melting away as I slide the door shut and creep off towards the kitchen. Tea, yes, of course. I wish I hadn't suggested that, but...

My heart continues to try its best to break free of my body. Now my hands are actually shaking. I pull a handkerchief out of my waistcoat and cough into it a few times. I adjust my sunglasses, scratch my neck, unbutton and rebutton the top of my shirt, splash cold water on my face, and still I'm nervous. Why? What am I afraid of?

Enough dawdling, I need to make the tea. Laughter echoes down the hall and into the kitchen. Good, they're getting along. Everyone's secret should be safe. Maybe I didn't do such a bad job after all. If I can just sort out the situation with Ai and Junko, and Saki and Reiko, and with Sakura... okay, so there's a still a lot left to do. I shouldn't have thought about that.

I put all the tea on a tray and carry it to the living room. Everyone is sitting on the floor around a little table, smiling, chatting. They stop as I enter.

"Prepare yourselves for Tatsumi Kotaro's Special Blend tea!" I exclaim as I place the tray on the table.

Everyone but Ai seems impressed, or at least pretends to be impressed. My job here is done, now to just sit down and blend in till Saki returns. Finding a place to sit should be simple when the entire floor is your oyster, but as I looked at the space around the table, thinking that perhaps I should sit beside Yugiri, Sakura pulls up a snowman-themed red and white cushion and drops it next to her.

"Kotaro-san, you can sit here if you want."

"Oh!" I say, suddenly feeling light-headed again, "thanks Sakura. Resourceful as ever I see."

She gives me a strange look. Perhaps I'm trying too hard to look normal. Usually the persona is so easy to keep up. I've done it for so long, it's like second nature. I couldn't imagine being anyone other than the loud and proud Kotaro Tatsumi, Mysterious Producer.

Reiko takes a sip of her tea, "We were just talking about school crushes."

"S-school crushes eh?"

"I never really had any crushes at school," she giggles, "all the boys seemed too boring to me."

"Hahahaha! Yes, I was the same really, no crushes."

From across the table comes Ai's voice, "Really Kotaro, not even one crush?"

"Well, I mean-"

"I don't believe you Kotaro-han," Yugiri adds, "a man as handsome as you must have been popular with the girls in his youth."

"Hey, I'm still young, Yugiri. And yes, my looks weren't bad, but-"

Ai smirks, "So you _were_ popular?"

"I mostly kept to myself."

"You're kidding!"

"I was a very quiet young man."

I don't remember Ai being this vindictive. Maybe she's still annoyed about earlier. I need to change the topic of conversation or else this is gonna get complicated.

"Anyway," I said, "enough about this. Let's talk about Christmas instead. I'm sure you all have good memories of Christmas, right?"

Silence.

"Junko, you must have a few stories to tell!"

She stares into her teacup, "Uh, well actually I was always busy around Christmas... I never really got to celebrate it properly..."

"Oh, I see. How about you, Ai?"

Wait, not Ai, I shouldn't have asked Ai, oh god...

She refuses to make eye contact with me, "I used to spend it with my family back in Tokyo, but-"

"No don't worry, I shouldn't have asked. I uh, uhm-" gotta think fast, "How about you Kirishima-san?"

"Me? My family didn't do Christmas. I always hung out with Saki, when she was alive."

I feel like I've walked into a minefield from which there is no escape.

"Kotaro-san?"

Sakura's hand is on my shoulder. Heat rushes to my cheeks.

"Yes, Sakura?"

"You look pale."

"I always look pale."

"You look paler than usual."

How do I respond to that? Outright denial? Everyone around the table is looking in any direction but mine. This isn't how things usually go. I should say _something_ at least. I open my mouth to respond, but then I hear a strange buzzing sound, like a fly caught behind a curtain, or a distant beehive. The buzzing gets louder and louder, then I start to hear another sound, something more human, something that sounds an awful lot like-

"SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!"

A hideous screech fills the air, then suddenly crashing through the window comes Saki. In an explosion of glass and splintered wood she flies across the room and slams into the floor, knocking all the tea off of the table. Mine goes flying straight into my crotch, making even me scream,

"SHIT! SAKI, WHAT THE HELL!?"

Bruised, bloody and out of breath, she climbs to her feet, "Shades, you're gonna have to hide that bike."

"What bike?" I ask, trying to ignore the burning in my groin.

"The one I stole. It's out front but if we don't hide that shit we're all fucked."

"You stole a _bike_? I thought you were stealing _clothes_?"

"We stole those too, but-"

"Wait... where's Lily?"

She freezes, "Shit, where _is_ Lily?"

At that point the front door creaks open. Little feet pitter patter through the hallway, till finally the living room door slides across to reveal Lily, seemingly completely unscathed from Saki's biking accident.

"I'm never _ever_ going shopping with you again, Saki-chan!"

"Shrimpy come on, it wasn't that bad! I got you the dress you wanted didn't I?"

As Lily stands there pouting, Reiko gets to her feet.

"Saki..."

"Yeah? Whaddya... wait..."

Saki's eyes widen as she realises who's in front of her.

"Reiko? How do you know my name now? I didn't even, what are you doing here?"

"Tatsumi-san invited me."

"Why didn't you tell me, Shades?"

I hold my hands up, "I was going to, but then you rushed off."

"What did you tell her!?"

"Nothing, I didn't tell her anything!"

"And another thing..." Saki says, looking around, "is it me, or does no one here have any makeup on?"

Reiko rests her hands on Saki's shoulders, "Saki, don't worry, I know everything."

" _Everything_!? So he _did_ tell you?"

"Yes, and it's okay, I-"

"KOTARO YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

She tears herself free from Reiko's arms and marches towards me, looking more pissed than she did when she first woke up from eternal death.

"Saki, wait, when she said _everything_ , she didn't literally mean-"

But it's no use, before I can say another word Saki's fist is already halfway through my jaw. I spin around on the spot. All the blood drains from my head and the room becomes kaleidoscope of spilled tea and Christmas festivity. I start to topple, and fall, and-

I can't remember hitting the floor, but when I wake up my whole head aches from front to back. Something damp and heavy presses down on my forehead. Warm liquid dribbles down onto my eyelids. They feel strangely cool, breezy even, and my nose... feels so light. My hands are at my sides. I reach up to adjust my glasses but...

"My glasses are gone...? My glasses are gone!? Where-"

I open my eyes. Sakura is gazing down at me.

"I took them off," she says, "I wanted to make sure you didn't have any injuries, and..."

She looks away, blushing.

"And what?" My heart begins to race, making my headache even worse.

"...and to see if you still looked the same, if your eyes still looked the same as they did back then."

Shock freezes me in place. I don't know what to say, so I say nothing. I stare up at the ceiling. Whatever room we're in, it's just the two of us in it.

"A lot of memories came back to me at Arpino," she continues, "I'd been wondering for a while if you really were Inui-kun."

"I am."

I know she's watching me, but I can't bring myself to look in her eyes as I say it. Not without my sunglasses. To admit who I am is almost the same as admitting that I-

"Inui-kun, I was talking to Saki-chan and-" oh god, here it comes, "-she told me about what happened at Gusto..."

My throat is bone dry, "I can explain."

"You don't need to."

Maybe she's right, the less I say, the easier it will be to get out of this. But do I really want to get out of this? Do I really want to keep on hiding how I feel forever?

"No," I've been running away long enough, "I want to. In fact I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time now."

I can't tell if she's blushing or if I'm just imagining it, but I tell myself that yes, she's blushing, yes you should tell her, right now, no more waiting.

"Sakura, I... I..."

You're so close! Come one! Say it!

"I love you! I've always loved you, since you were alive, even after you died, I loved you. I still love you. I'm sorry it took me so long to say it. I've been a coward..."

I don't know what I expected her to do after hearing that, how I expected this to go, but I _didn't_ expect her to just stare at me silently. Did I read the situation wrong? I push myself up so I'm sitting, rather than lying prone. She's definitely blushing. A blushing, green face. Even covered in scars she's beautiful.

She strokes my cheek with her fingertips, so lightly that it makes me shiver.

"Inui-kun..."

"It's okay Sakura, you don't have to say anything. Even if you don't feel the same way, I'll always-"

But my words are cut off as she leans in and kisses me softly on the lips. It only lasts a moment. I feel myself becoming dizzy as her ice cold lips leave mine, as if my consciousness were still attached to her. She looks at me with eyes that I've never seen before, a love that mirrors my own, an expression I never thought I'd get to see in reality but here it is, here she is, staring me in face, into my eyes completely unguarded. I'm so lightheaded I'm on the verge of fainting, but when she leans her head on my shoulder and embraces me my consciousness returns to my body once again. I feel tears spilling down my cheeks. Every feeling I ever kept locked away is spilling over. All my defenses are melting. I'm not sure I'm ready, but I don't want it to stop. I don't want this feeling to stop. As I cry I feel the pain dissolving into the floor, till all that's left is that soft feeling, that warm feeling of safety, of trusting someone so completely. I think to myself, has there ever been a time in my life where I ever felt so at peace? No, never. Until this moment I have never felt so complete, so at ease, so-

"OI! ARE YOU GUYS FUCKIN' OR WHAT?" yells Saki as she kicks the door down.

I leap to my feet, "Damn you Saki, this is _not_ the time!"

"Woah, Shades... your shades... you're not wearing them!?"

"What? I... oh no."

I'm not wearing my sunglasses.

Reiko appears behind Saki, "Tatsumi-san! I can't believe how handsome you look without your sunglasses!"

I'm not sure whether to be offended or to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"Saki," I begin, but she cuts me off before I can even get started.

"Save it, Shades! I'm not annoyed about you talking to Reiko. It really worked out, if you know what I mean," she gives me a dirty wink.

"That's not what was I going to say."

I hear the echoey voices of Ai and Junko outside the door.

"Inui-kun, catch!"

I look back, flying through the air are my sunglasses. With all the speed and finesse of an pirouetting hippopotamus, I spin around and snatch the glasses out of the air.

"Inui-kun!? Seriously, is that your fucking name?"

I have no time for Saki's nonsense. I ram my glasses onto my face so hard that I (probably) bruise my nose, just in time to protect myself before Ai, Junko, and also Lily and Yugiri all arrive to witness the spectacle.

"What's going on?" Lily asks, looking confused.

I stretch my arm out towards her and strike a dramatic pose. Everyone's looking at me, or I assume they are, as for no apparent reason I've closed my eyes. I take a deep breath. There's only one thing that'll defuse this situation. In one smooth motion I snatch my cape off of the floor, fling it up to the ceiling and scream,

"MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO! HO HO HO!"

I barge past the girls and run out of the room. I run down the hall. I run out to where Tae is still sleeping and climb onto the snow-crusted railing that stands between the house and the ocean.

"HO HO HO!" I cry, waking up both Tae and Romero.

"Awoo!" they howl.

"On Dasher, on Blitzen!" I prepare to dive into the ocean and swim away. I intended to go through all the reindeer before jumping I can't remember any other reindeer names and I already missed out Rudolph. I stretch my arms out, place my hands firmly together palm-to-palm, and-

"Where do you think you're going?" Ai's voice pierces through me.

"I uh, I just thought I'd have a swim."

"You'll freeze to death in this weather!"

"You underestimate me!" I say, staring off into the sunset. The deep orange of the sky is dimmed by my thick sunglasses, turning it almost brown.

"Kotaro-san!"

"Sakura..."

"What are you doing?"

What _am_ I doing? Running away again? Playing the fool as always? I look at the brown sunset. I can't remember the last time I saw the colours of the sunset as they were meant to be seen; bright, burning, vivid.

I take off my sunglasses. These sunglasses have protected me for so long, but now they've become a crutch. I put them in my breast pocket, then I look back at the horizon. At first I have to squint, but soon I can see the colours in all their glory. Yes, this is how it should be. This is how life should be.

I climb down from the railing and face Franchouchou and Reiko. Everyone is there. Some of them gasp upon seeing my naked face. Even Romero looks shocked. Normally I know exactly what to say, but today hasn't been like other days. I start to wonder if I'll ever find words to say. Where do I start? Then I remember my conversation with Ai earlier.

I take a step forwards and reach into my jacket's inside pocket. Sure enough, my wallet is there. Repairing the damage Saki did to the house is going to cost a bomb, but it's Christmas, and it's time to make a brand new start. I pull out a couple thousand yen and offer the notes to Ai. She doesn't make any move to take them, so I open her hand myself and slap the yen down.

"Now you can take Junko on that date," I say, smirking. Immediately her face goes red as a tomato. I imagine Junko is the same, but I don't look back to check. As I enter the house I hear Saki laughing, "Get in there, Ai! Make sure you fill me in on the dirty details after!"

I hear footsteps behind me.

"Kotaro-san!"

I turn around. It's Sakura.

"You don't need to call me that, Sakura."

"But earlier when I called you Inui-kun in front of Saki you seemed-"

"That doesn't matter," I move closer to her and take her hands in mine, "To everyone else, I am Tatsumi Kotaro. But with you... with you and you alone, I want to be Inui-kun. Just like I always was."

Even in the shadowy hallway her red eyes shine, brighter even than the setting sun outside. I lean towards her and we kiss once more, her cool lips against the warmth of my own. I know that everyone can see us, but it doesn't matter. I don't want to hide anymore. I know who I am now. I know who I want to be. I've always known it, ever since I first laid eyes on her, but until now I've never had the words to describe it. I'm Tatsumi-san, I'm Inui-kun, but most of all I am _hers_ , and her dreams are mine, and as long as there is breath in my body, and in fact even when all my breath is gone and I'm brought back as a rotting zombie, I will support her.

Sakura taps my shoulder, "Does something smell strange to you?"

I sniff, "Now you mention it, it does smell like something is _burning_."

I look down the hall; smoke is emanating from the living room. Suddenly I remember the bike, "Saki..." I call out, "what happened to that bike you stole?"

"Hm? Oh we moved it indoors. We were gonna take it out back but we got distracted listening in to your lovey-dovey conversation earlier."

"What!? You idiot! You can't just leave a-"

Then it exploded, launching us into the others, launching us all over the railing and into the sea along with a torrent of wooden shrapnel. For a moment I can't even tell which way is up and which way is down, but then someone grabs my hand and drags me to the surface. It's Reiko.

"Tatsumi-san, are you okay?"

"Yes, are the others-"

But everyone is already above the waterline, floating out into the open ocean along with me. Flames engulf every inch of the house till suddenly, with a booming CRACK the entire thing collapses in on itself, taking all our clothes, equipment and Christmas decorations with it.

"Shit," says Saki.

"That's unfortunate," comments Yugiri.

Perhaps in the past losing my entire house, all my money and belongings and indeed my sunglasses would've fazed me. Floating, freezing in the bay outside what used to be our house, it would be understandable to be in a bit of a panic. But the time for panic has long since gone. Instead, I decide to take a more pragmatic approach.

"Ai," I begin, doggy paddling towards her, "You wouldn't happen to still have those thousand yen notes I gave you, would you?"


End file.
